SenMorta
Member
- Jan 4, 2020
- 23
Hiya guys
I was wondering if it was kinda similar for anyone else, whether it's not about depression (per say) but whether it was because they want to choose the way they go.
I have a condition that has a high(ish) mortality rate and a much higher rate of brain damage. I have status epilepticus and the seizures last hours upon hours or an entire day. So whole days or weekends can just blip away and I've started developing memory issues.
On top of that, that's a grand worry that my intellect will disappear and that I will GENUINELY become intellectually and socially retarded (not an under exaggeration).
I've already started to lose the ability to spell (thank God for auto correct - my touchscreen sucks though just in case) and lost key memories that I used to hold dear and had to be reminded off.
I don't think, when the time comes, I will be scared to choose my own way to go but my god I am petrified of becoming a different person. As arrogant as it sounds, I know I'm intelligent - I have other flaws but I've always got through them by reminding myself that I'm not all bad. Yet this condition is going to slowly rip away who I am and quite frankly that is SCARY. I'd rather die as I am than become a hollow shell.
This isn't a sympathy call, the title explains what this is. Is anyone kinda going through something similar. Obviously we all have our own story to tell but I was just curious.
I was wondering if it was kinda similar for anyone else, whether it's not about depression (per say) but whether it was because they want to choose the way they go.
I have a condition that has a high(ish) mortality rate and a much higher rate of brain damage. I have status epilepticus and the seizures last hours upon hours or an entire day. So whole days or weekends can just blip away and I've started developing memory issues.
On top of that, that's a grand worry that my intellect will disappear and that I will GENUINELY become intellectually and socially retarded (not an under exaggeration).
I've already started to lose the ability to spell (thank God for auto correct - my touchscreen sucks though just in case) and lost key memories that I used to hold dear and had to be reminded off.
I don't think, when the time comes, I will be scared to choose my own way to go but my god I am petrified of becoming a different person. As arrogant as it sounds, I know I'm intelligent - I have other flaws but I've always got through them by reminding myself that I'm not all bad. Yet this condition is going to slowly rip away who I am and quite frankly that is SCARY. I'd rather die as I am than become a hollow shell.
This isn't a sympathy call, the title explains what this is. Is anyone kinda going through something similar. Obviously we all have our own story to tell but I was just curious.
