Venting is it better to rely on someone else to survive or ctb now

[meowzers3276]

is it okay to somewhat rely on a person and your future with them atleast to keep you sane or is that unfair leverage for a partner to take on? atleast when it comes to keeping me from ctb, i feel like its not gonna be good if i rely on him for hope but i dont have anything else at the moment

is it ok to be this way or will this last forever & its better to end it before i become a grown leech w no skills?

 

[ThatsAllFolks2218]

No. For several reasons, eventually they get tired of it. Currently, I thought I had one friend or a few people in my life that I felt " Maybe it will be ok", and then reality kicks in. I never tell them that they are a factor in me trying to stay alive. But I am getting to a point where, I want to go to sleep for a very long time... probably somewhere where people will not find me.

 

[GASLIGHTER7000]

no... eventually they'll start giving up on you too. and if they do, it'll only push you closer to ctb

 

[Quietist]

Not at all.

 

[SASU-KE]

In life, you can't depend on anyone but yourself. And also remember that everyone is struggling. It's unfair to burden them with your own troubles.

 

[eggsausagerice]

no. happened to me. worst mistake i've ever made. i just wanted him to block me so i would want to kill myself more, or for him to hate me so that i would stop having a reason to live. every day i would worry so much about him leaving me that i had to leave him because the anxiety was eating me alive. i couldn't stand it. he didn't understand, obviously, and thought staying friends with me meant i wouldn't kill myself. i wanted to kill myself more thinking i had nothing to live for if he wasn't in my life.

it's basically mutually assured destruction and is very unhealthy for you and your partner to experience. it's much worse to have a person you see as "the only reason you're not killing yourself", than to not have someone like that and still be suicidal. toxic codependency will just act like a grenade if the relationship ends.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

No, that's not sustainable at all (which you already know), but why not make the decision to acquire skills that would help you be independent? You never envisioned living independently? Maybe it could be a good temporary situation while you figure out the next steps forward (but don't get too comfortable with it, as it can end at any time).

 

[Fadenself00_]

In life, you can't depend on anyone but yourself. And also remember that everyone is struggling. It's unfair to burden them with your own troubles.

I learnt that the hard way as well... It is best to prioritize independence over anything. Please, please, please at least try to make life work that way!
Best wishes!

 

[Campanella]

I was in the same situation, I tried to be as easy as possible and hardly ask for help, but the other person really hates me. Well, hate was never said outright but it put me at a lower place than any other friend or material possessions, just anything to escape me became preferable. I didn't imagine anything could make my view of myself even lower, but this did.
It prevents you from growing too in any case, you're more likely to become more dependent and more weak. It won't help for long, but it can hurt more than anything.

 

[Asya]

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[undecidedfool]

I'm going to go against the others and say it is okay, to an extent.
I'm not going to lie and say it'll work long term and no one will get tired or burnt out supporting you for an excessive amount of time. But if you're actively working on getting better, holding on for another person is okay for a little while. After that you have to decide whether or not it's worth living for yourself.
I always advise trying first. You can always ctb later if you so choose.