I got addcited to opiates after a suicide attempt because I had no hope and couldn't escape my thoughts. I fully convinced myself I was a monster who wanted to harm people. I don't, but I stuggle with knowing my true self so I'd get super paranoid and anxious feeling like I don't know what I'm capable of and It's impossible to ever know whats real. I got so used to how high I was all the time I had no motivation to change my life. I'm on suboxone now. I think it's helping my depression... which I was worried about returning with no opiates. I mean it is an opiate, but you don't get "high" from it. Is anyone else on it and what's your experience been like?
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leeloosnow
Warlock
- Aug 28, 2022
- 725
yea, i've been on subs for like 6yrs, before that the 'done clinic. fuk methadone. i tried to cold turkey off 120mg/day (methadone) years ago and yea, that's pretty much at the top of my nope list. people think it's like quitting percs or dope or w/e, but it isn't at all, these medications all have different half lives, and buprenorphine is a partial opiate agonist (think methadone lite) so yea, the payback is gonna be different everytime. i think i made it 10days (back in the clinic days) without dosing and really, had i been able to walk my barf drenched diarrhea laden ass to a high enough bridge i'd have promptly done so. miserable. 10 days not a wink of sleep, couldn't hold fluids at all, every sensation was x100.
i never made it completely off, but i did switch to subs which is way better, i have a doctor and therapist that *gasp* treat me like a human being with a medical condition. i haven't tried to quit yet, i keep turning over another calendar page waiting for life to be less shitty and, well. tapering down has been pretty easy, not really noticeable, but absolutely that shit gets deep in your system and can take years for post acute withdrawal symptoms to reside. at the end of the day it's up to you, your situation, your doc, all that shit. i wouldn't try to hop off subs with frequent ctb thoughts tho, i know for me it'd amplify tf outta that.
