Introduction

[chudpilled_efilist]

Hello. I guess this will be the first thing I post.

I've been lurking here for some time, but only recently have I familiarized myself
with the culture of this forum. I'm 19/M and I've been contemplating doing it for a little less than a decade now..

I have strong symmetrical compulsions about specific actions, times and dates.
It's impossible for me to build new habits or start doing basic things in the middle of the week or month - I always have to start from the first
day and if It's interrupted by anything like an unexpected event, I've basically just wasted that week/month entirely and I just go rot in the bed due to no energy.

I also have more specifc actions that I have to perform and failing to do so makes existing unbearable.
If i accidentally do a random, insignificant action (e.g. touching the wall with my hand),
my mind can decide that it's significant enough to repeat multiple times but mirrored or reversed for symmetry.
Often I end up checking things like the time or a locked door around 10-50 times in a matter of a few minutes.
This wonderful concoction of issues has led me to failing at nearly everything I've tried to accomplish.

My family just sees me as lazy but I avoid them as much as possible, often hiding in my room.

Not once have I consulted a mental health professional because imo they are leeches and have no reason to actually care about you.
I've no interest in getting medicated by whatever they prescribe for these things because It would alter who I am and I'd rather be the real me.


Have a nice day and may you succeed in whatever you seek to accomplish.

 

[Catchthebusnow]

Hello. I guess this will be the first thing I post.

I've been lurking here for some time, but only recently have I familiarized myself
with the culture of this forum. I'm 19/M and I've been contemplating doing it for a little less than a decade now..

I have strong symmetrical compulsions about specific actions, times and dates.
It's impossible for me to build new habits or start doing basic things in the middle of the week or month - I always have to start from the first
day and if It's interrupted by anything like an unexpected event, I've basically just wasted that week/month entirely and I just go rot in the bed due to no energy.

I also have more specifc actions that I have to perform and failing to do so makes existing unbearable.
If i accidentally do a random, insignificant action (e.g. touching the wall with my hand),
my mind can decide that it's significant enough to repeat multiple times but mirrored or reversed for symmetry.
Often I end up checking things like the time or a locked door around 10-50 times in a matter of a few minutes.
This wonderful concoction of issues has led me to failing at nearly everything I've tried to accomplish.

My family just sees me as lazy but I avoid them as much as possible, often hiding in my room.

Not once have I consulted a mental health professional because imo they are leeches and have no reason to actually care about you.
I've no interest in getting medicated by whatever they prescribe for these things because It would alter who I am and I'd rather be the real me.


Have a nice day and may you succeed in whatever you seek to accomplish.

I wish I had understood that meds alter who you are!! Everyone told me they're "basically placebo sugar pills, just try them, you won't feel nervous isn't that great." I had mild anxiety that did not require meds! And being nervous is part of what makes us human! Now I'm locked in a state of zero emotions when I can't even feel anxiety, sadness, empathy, compassion, fear … they erased me, and the effects don't go away after stopping. Good on you for resisting the pressure to take them. I don't think people realize: there is no such thing as a harmless psych med. You alter your brain = you alter your soul

 

[ona]

>My family just sees me as lazy but I avoid them as much as possible, often hiding in my room.

Same here lmao, I've been in a constant depression since I was 14 and because of it I have no motivation to do anything else besides rot in bed all day. I'm seen as lazy because of it when they make 0 effort to understand where I'm coming from. even with mental issues outside of depression they just chalk it up to me making excuses xD. Anyways it's nice to meet you, I hope you find what you're looking for here!