Introduce yourself

[StarMessenger]

Omg can we be friends. I love needy streamer overload! Also all those hobbies I like also ^^ Alsoo Happy early birthday

omg yes!!! lets be friends<3

 

[sht]

Hello everyone.

I'm just tired of being tired. I'm 22 y/o. And I don't know what I am doing here exactly. I've been reading this forum anonymously for several months, but now I would like to have my DM's open. That's probably why I'm writing this.

I live in Spain so English isn't my first language.

I will try to be more active here.

 

[yeged93409]

Hi
I've just made my account yesterday and I'm loving this forum where I can actually talk to like-minded people about a subject as taboo as suicide, especially sanctioned suicide, without negative judgment. I feel like everyone should be able to end their life if they so desire and have a lucid mind.

 

[charlotte_]

I've had an account for a while now but I'm bored so gonna type one here anyway.
If I must describe myself in a single word, I'd say I'm a paradox.
"I write differently than I speak, I speak differently than I think, I think differently than I should think and so it goes on into the deepest darkness." - a quote I like from my fav author Franz Kafka. I relate to it on many levels. I don't really feel alive in my body. Something else with a completely different mindset, thoughts, personalities and feelings live within it. Kinda like DID without the DID lol. I don't know which is the real me. Sometimes, one took over the other. Sometimes they clash.
I live being unable to fully be living, for I don't participate into life itself. The only thing I can do is to hide in my little box and watch life progresses through a tiny hole on it. I feel inferior for this. I wish I could find a way to get out. But I cannot, for there were nothing to hold on on the flat walls of the box.
I am not a human. I'm a mere liquid taking shape of my body's container. I cannot set myself free.
Extra info: I have depression, anxiety, autism, ADHD and BPD. A whole package lol. I believe in nihilism and idealism. I love video games n books, my fav game is Hello Charlotte but I also like Genshin Impact, Honkai Star Rail and Omori. Fav books r Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka and No longer human by Dazai Osamu.

 

[Daxter_87]

I suffer from OCD, misophonia and tics, among other things. I am also an antinatalist and an efilist, and I believe in the right to die for everyone.


As a side note, I also really like 3D platformers, Jak and Daxter being one of my favourites. Hence my profile.


So yeah, I basically copied and pasted what I wrote into my About you section. Not that there's much more to say.

 

[Mechanical Dance]

Hi there! I'm a tired young woman. I've never had a formal diagnose despite being on antidepressants, so I don't know exactly what I have, though I don't think it matters much. I like hot drinks like coffee and tea, I also like a few video games and TV shows. Spanish is my main language and sometimes I write poetry, which is kinda cool I think.

 

[SCDLKD]

Hii! I'm 25. Something's wrong with me idk what. I've been on antidepressants before but i stop taking them because I felt they did nothing at all. I like video games and music. I'm here cause I feel the need to talk about my suicidal thoughts with people who are going through the same shit

 

[piercedheart]

Hello, you can refer to me as Red.

I am a woman at the age of 27 who unlike many is not depressed.. I think. I am not sure anymore what depression feels like, I am just apathetic towards just about everything, life feels like a pointless endeavor, and death just seems so exciting, a sweet release of this boredom and finally knowing if there is nothing or something.

I am a mortician which I chose due to my love for the darker things and all that stuff, and enjoy playing piano, playing the occasional video game, reading books mainly fantasy, and playing with my pets, a dog, and 3 snakes. I enjoy working out too and do it in the form of dancing and lapdancing, it keeps my mind occupied.

I had a horrible childhood that led me to years of depression and suicidal behaviour, but that has just sort of developed into pure apathy.
I had cancer when I was a child that left me physically unable to speak as I now lack vocal cords and use sign language so yes, not the best.


Till I find the desire to do it and a place for my pets to be happy I will be around till then, so yeah should you care to be friends, I am always happy to meet people, talk, pick their brains, and whatnot. Or if you need someone to vent, I can be there for you.

Seems I can receive DM's now so that's nice. You know where to find me. <3

Red.

 

[ggetout33]

21 (almost 22) - M (but gender noncomformant/questioning)

Guitar player
Gamer
Autist
Nihilist

I'm here for a good time not a long time.

 

[Derelict]

Hello everyone. I've been lurking for a few years (and I'll probably go back to it after this) but after recent events I've felt comfortable enough to start posting. I've been depressed and suicidal since my adolescence for reasons I'm not comfortable posting about here, and I found this website while looking for places and people who personally understood what I was going through to my absolute thankfulness. I adore music and I usually spend my time listening to it or doing something while listening to it, it's nice to meet you all.

 

[terminatepain]

if any of you would be down to chat i'd love to do so !

It would be nice to talk with you. But for PM access you have to post somthing.

 

[ZM4ever]

I'm mid 50's and near the end, when the time comes I will leave my regrets behind.
Ari

 

[bittersea]

I just realised that there's an into thread so i should post here lol.
Hello, I'm new here and I'm glad that i found a place where people actually think like me. I don't really know if having thoughts like i did were even wrong in the very beginning. The 1st time i could ever recall having thoughts about ending myself was when i was 10. Ever since i have those thoughts on and off. I never saw cbt as wrong neither understood why people saw it as smt wrong. I come from a religious and a conservative family. Talking about any of mental health issues was not encouraged. I am myself quite religious and it has helped me to continue with living. Suicide being a major sin in my religion is maybe the major reason as to why i haven't ever committed it. But regardless of what my faith says, i just cannot wrap my head around seeing it as sin or smt wrong in any way. I could have never imagined saying this or even writing this because of the society i live in. Actually letting out my thoughts on this matter for the 1st time makes me feel quite liberated in a way. I guess yes thats all i wanted to say lol. I am trying to figure out how to use this forum and to maybe meet like minded people.

 

[canaryblue]

Hello. 22 y/o f from Austria here.

I've suffered from depression for about 7 years now, suicidal thoughts for about the same time. Stayed in psychiatric hospitals four times so far. None of the antidepressants they have admitted to me worked.

I'm feeling really lost and adrift in this world, there is nothing I wanna do, nothing I want to accomplish. I have no perspectives, really. All I wish for is to rest.

Do feel ungrateful at the same time as besides my depression, I am of sound body and mind, good health, conventionally attractive. I do have some family history and a long streak with loneliness though. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[bittersea]

Hello. 22 y/o f from Austria here.

I've suffered from depression for about 7 years now, suicidal thoughts for about the same time. Stayed in psychiatric hospitals four times so far. None of the antidepressants they have admitted to me worked.

I'm feeling really lost and adrift in this world, there is nothing I wanna do, nothing I want to accomplish. I have no perspectives, really. All I wish for is to rest.

Do feel ungrateful at the same time as besides my depression, I am of sound body and mind, good health, conventionally attractive. I do have some family history and a long streak with loneliness though. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I'm sorry that you have to go through so much. I hope you find rest that you need<3

 

[delora]

Hello! I'm Delora, or Lola for short. 25 years old.

I'm a new member but have lurked around for a few months before joining. I got to know this place through a post on another website and just wanted to research efficient/possibly peaceful methods, but ended up finding much more than I expected here: a whole community of people who can comprehend my thoughts without spewing platitudes or shaming me for them.

I must confess I'm still a bit nervous about posting, but felt like the introduction thread was the best way to get this ball rolling, so here we go.

I've struggled with severe generalized anxiety disorder, some social anxiety, and depressive episodes for as long as I can remember. I am the eldest daughter of a narcissistic mother, who I'm sure has never loved me (nor pretended to). Suicidal ideation has been somewhat of a constant, coming and going but always at the back of my mind.

Almost four years ago, I was able to move in with the love of my life. We've been living together since, and for a moment I thought things would finally be better. Thought I was going to see some light. But unfortunately, it didn't last long — I'm still constantly fighting a brutal battle with my own brain. And as y'all must know, it gets exhausting. I do feel guilty and ungrateful for this.

I like watching stuff, listening to music. And whenever I have the energy for it, baking/cooking.

I don't know when it'll be my time to CTB. To be honest, I fluctuate between needing to die and wishing to recover. But recent life events have reinforced that a solid plan is an immediate necessity. There is comfort in knowing I have a choice.

Until then... It is nice to be here.

Thank you for reading.

 

[itsyourfault]

Already posted on here, but forgot to introduce myself.

My name is Lukáš. I am 19 and I live in Czech Republic. I have a really great family, that set me up for greatness, but I ruined it all because of my obsessive nature. So now I am just wandering trough life, even though I admit that I am lost. In my free time I play music and listen to music (mostly deathcore and hc punk), I also like philosophy.

Looking forward to our future interactions.

 

[Realkitten]

Hey, hey, I'm not new, but I never had the time to post anything, so I thought here is a good start.

I'm 18 years old and I've struggled with depression for a while. Throughout my life, I've always been the bigger girl in my class, which made me feel self-conscious and timid. I knew that people would make remarks about my body, so I kept quiet, hoping to avoid any attention.

Growing up, I had many "friends" but never had any real friend. I was always left out of social activities and hangouts. It hurt, but I didn't want to make a big deal about it because I knew they would hate me if I did.

During my high school years, I allowed people to walk all over me and treat me with disrespect. I didn't have the confidence to stand up for myself. I began to develop a socially awkward persona, using self-deprecating "jokes" about my appearance to cope with the pain.

But now that I'm older, I've come to realize that self-love should always come first. I've learned the hard way that no one can truly love me if I don't love myself. I'm trying my best but It'll take a while.

 

[ItsMeBlank]

Greetings fellow space travelers,

Sorry for my bad English. Found this site through reddit. Have been visiting it for sometime and now only decided to join.

I'm 23 and still quite clueless on what to do with this life of mine. I've always been a socially awkward kid resulting in poor communication skills. And I've always felt shy on sharing my thoughts. Don't know why this community makes me feel comfortable even though i just joined, so I'll just share my head out.

I'm kinda naive, shy and stupid type of person. My communication skills sucks, like when I see people I just go mute. And when I try to speak don't know why i always end up hurting people. Maybe my choice of words are bad ? Or maybe I just don't understand them or don't know how to present myself.

I hardly earn money equivalent to $100 on monthly basis, barely surviving. Don't know how I'll pay the loans. I'm quite envious watching everyone who used to be my friend move on with life and actually succeeding.

My girl..... she's lovely, always stood by my side. But she got trust issues with me cause of the things I did in the past, I've always disappointed her.
I guess I'm just a disappointment to everyone. Specially my parents. I hardly lived with them, been living with my maternal aunt since childhood. I'm not even sure if I know my parents all that well.
I hate myself more than anything. To anyone reading this, 'don't be a loser like me'.

I saw I lot of shortcuts used in this community like ctb, sn etc. Can anyone help me understand their meaning? (Not a native English speaker)

Thankyou for reading.

 

[delora]

I saw I lot of shortcuts used in this community like ctb, sn etc. Can anyone help me understand their meaning? (Not a native English speaker).

Hi! I'm new too, but since this is a question I also had at first, I think I might be able to help you out.

There is a post explaining all of the acronyms used, it's really nice. I'll link it below.

Acronyms

i hate acronyms, i love tables don't use acronyms, please (this is just for lookup purposes) communication is extremely important (especially here), so don’t take shortcuts: Short Form Delimiter Long Form Notes AE = antiemetic AFAIC = as far as I'm concerned AFAIK = as far as I...

sanctioned-suicide.net

And this guide that helped me get more familiar with the forum too:

The Sanctioned Suicide Forum Guide

Welcome to the forum guide for Sanctioned Suicide This thread is an unofficial forum guide. It covers a variety of topics. It was put together by selected members of the community. Please take some time and read this thread before posting. It exists to give you an understanding about the site...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[blacktulip44]

hi, i won't say my name, but i'm 23 and have been suicidal for 11 years. i have an ED that mixes extremw restriction and binging, which means i feel like shit whether i'm losing weight or not. i also have been diagnosed with ptsd (due to a very abusive childhood and a lot of rape), bpd, and some other things. really, i think enough shit has happened in my life and i am no longer able to experience joy like a normal person. i have forgiven my parents for the years of abuse, but that doesnt mean i forgot.

i am currently alive because of 3 things:
1) i'm in a loving relationship with an amazing person who tries to make me feel good, but i end up feeling like i am not and will never be enough for them
2) i have a little sister who has been through enough and she doesnt deserve the pain of me leaving her
3) i have pets who i would do anything for, and they deserve to have a home and decent care, and i dont trust other people enough to leave them here

i've been consuming drugs, namely alcohol, cocaine, and mdma to see if i can still find some feeling that isnt shit within myself, as well as kinda hoping i'll OD eventually. ideally my method would be jumping, but someone close to my mom ctb'd this way and i dont want to hurt her unnecessarily. i'm now looking into poisoning, maybe SN.

my PM's are now open and i really want to find someone to talk to, so hit me up if you want.

 

[CursedReality88]

Hello,
I'm Circle. Don't want to disclose my real name. Obtained my peaceful method and about to ctb in a week. I grew up with anxiety and being Asian...they didn't know how to raise me. Didn't have much friends because of that, didn't know what I was doing. Since I'm gonna go soon, just wondering if anyone wants to talk or something. Anime, video games, tv shows, suicide methods or life in general. PMs are open! Best wishes to all of you

 

[Sweet Tart]

Hi, I joined last month after years of periodic lurking. I've been depressed my whole life but had hope and the energy to fake being a mentally healthy person thru my youth and young adulthood. I had a promising career and relationship that are gone now. My options have run out and it feels like my time is over. Yet I'm still here partly because successfully dying requires more planning, motivation, and money (i.e. to afford humane options) than I have, due to debilitating depression and anxiety.

I'm interested in the potential of a site like this for sorting through thoughts, questions, and feelings that feel too scary or high stakes to discuss elsewhere. And I appreciate the warmth and respect I've seen on this forum.

 

[EmmaD]

Hi, I joined last month after years of periodic lurking. I've been depressed my whole life but had hope and the energy to fake being a mentally healthy person thru my youth and young adulthood. I had a promising career and relationship that are gone now. My options have run out and it feels like my time is over. Yet I'm still here partly because successfully dying requires more planning, motivation, and money (i.e. to afford humane options) than I have, due to debilitating depression and anxiety.

I'm interested in the potential of a site like this for sorting through thoughts, questions, and feelings that feel too scary or high stakes to discuss elsewhere. And I appreciate the warmth and respect I've seen on this forum.

You seem really cool and interesting and I love your profile picture.. sending you a hug xx

 

[rando8427]

Hello,

I've attempted in the past, and I was happy to find this place. Other places are too sanitized and only allow suicide=bad discussion, and if you say the wrong thing you will be reported. IRL "help" if you say the wrong thing you get institutionalized. F that.

I did ketamine infusions that helped a lot a few years ago, and while I still think of suicide more than I should, I'm in a much better place with my depression and anxiety. Just happy to have a place where I can say what I'm really thinking and be in a community that is more likely to understand. We all know the way out, and I'm not judging anyone who chooses it. I'll get help when and IF I want to, I won't be bullied or badgered into it.

/rant

 

[Remorse Code]

A lifetime of depression/anxiety and pain issues, my father dying, SA by a priest as a teen, menopause have pushed me to nearly 4 yrs of not being able to eat and now on such a cocktail of psych meds that I am constantly thinking about ctb. If there was an easy, painless way, I'd have already checked out.

 

[alterrea]

Hi all, I've joined after about half a year of lurking and a lot more of being done with life. From what I've seen this is just about the only place where people are not judgemental and are willing to believe what is going through my mind is a valid response to my life, so I decided to finally take the step (not fun with anxiety), and join to try to fit in and find my people, gain some perspective and finally decide one way of another about my life.

When I'm not ranting about something, I play video games, read/write books, play the guitar/piano or am busy working on my PhD. Or, you know, try in vain to get out of bed because once you wake up it's official that you have to be around for another day

 

[GXMU]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

Hi

I'm here because I've done some really stupid things to people that I love

I like fighting games and rpgs, analyzing stuff pretentiously, making music, and justifying my existence through thinly-veiled apologia :P

 

[sheepocalypse]

hi all :)

I'm a 25 year old trans woman. I'm not actively trying to ctb anymore (it'd hurt my family and I have two beautiful wonderful kitties that I could never leave behind) but I know the metaphorical stop is down the road if I ever need it. I'm here because I feel a strong connection with this community, a collection of fellow lost and hurt souls. I've struggled with mental health issues my entire life. I was sexually abused at a young age and I've never really been the same since. From 12, I just knew something about life was intolerable to me, but I was scared and didn't know what to do about it (still don't lmao).

I didn't realize until much later that a lot of this was gender dysphoria, I've been transitioning for about two years now and I'm happier than I've ever been but my faint longing to ctb has never truly left.

Internalized transphobia is a hell of a drug.

On lighter notes I'm super into music and gardening :) ask me for music recs or how many plants I've lost to the bunnies in my backyard

 

[ubamantus1]

hello, i'm in desperate need of attention. My gf left me, so did my only few friends. I've been thinking of ctb for almost 10 years and I am really on the verge of doing this. Have hurt all of my closest friends. I cannot stand my existance now. Wish me a improvement of my state of mind or a peaceful way to the other side.