Hello everyone,
I joined the site recently and this is my first post! I watched a film in which a prisoner was interrogated and tortured yesterday. It prompted me to appreciate how to describe my experience with anxiety and suicidal thoughts throughout my adult life. There have been periods when, during the lulls between the torture of anxiety I have experienced peace, sometimes a sense of profound peace and serenity but my situation has become worse over the last 8 months and I now spend more time during the lull with a constant background pain and wondering whether it is time to commit suicide or face another bout of torture ahead.
I attempted suicide last September by taking an overdose of opioid painkillers. I drank a bottle of whiskey and then took the pills before laying down. The thought of calling an ambulance crossed my mind but I ignored it and, after perhaps 90 seconds, I felt an crunch sensation in my head which I presumed was the signal that I was about to die. I regained consciousness 18 hours later, became obsessed with the idea that I had given myself brain damage, called an ambulance and spent 3 nights in hospital being treated for kidney damage and pneumonia. Almost 8 months on, I continue to experience pain in my left leg as an after effect of the overdose.
In January, I bought a high powered crossbow with the intention of ending my life with it. I felt that it was a method I could undertake at home (seems inportant to me), should cause less pain than other methods and also should be pretty quick and successful. I've read reports of suicide victims being found with 2 arrows in their head but never 3.
I came to a decision to commit suicide about a week before I attempted last September. I chose a date and time according to the time during the moon's cycle. I took the overdose on time, at a quarter of the moon, when I felt that anxiety would be at its lowest point. I have since made plans to end my life with the crossbow at similar points of time in the future but, at the time in question, failed to take the safety catch off and fire.
There are also times, such as now, when I feel hopeful, I have hope that I can overcome this battle with anxiety, that I will find who and what I need to avoid ending my own life. I would be most grateful and deeply touched to anyone who would consider sparing me a thought to help me in this struggle. I have said and written this many times before during the last 8 months but this really does feel like I'm 'close to the bone' now. Please help me to fight another day.
Best wishes,
Michael
I joined the site recently and this is my first post! I watched a film in which a prisoner was interrogated and tortured yesterday. It prompted me to appreciate how to describe my experience with anxiety and suicidal thoughts throughout my adult life. There have been periods when, during the lulls between the torture of anxiety I have experienced peace, sometimes a sense of profound peace and serenity but my situation has become worse over the last 8 months and I now spend more time during the lull with a constant background pain and wondering whether it is time to commit suicide or face another bout of torture ahead.
I attempted suicide last September by taking an overdose of opioid painkillers. I drank a bottle of whiskey and then took the pills before laying down. The thought of calling an ambulance crossed my mind but I ignored it and, after perhaps 90 seconds, I felt an crunch sensation in my head which I presumed was the signal that I was about to die. I regained consciousness 18 hours later, became obsessed with the idea that I had given myself brain damage, called an ambulance and spent 3 nights in hospital being treated for kidney damage and pneumonia. Almost 8 months on, I continue to experience pain in my left leg as an after effect of the overdose.
In January, I bought a high powered crossbow with the intention of ending my life with it. I felt that it was a method I could undertake at home (seems inportant to me), should cause less pain than other methods and also should be pretty quick and successful. I've read reports of suicide victims being found with 2 arrows in their head but never 3.
I came to a decision to commit suicide about a week before I attempted last September. I chose a date and time according to the time during the moon's cycle. I took the overdose on time, at a quarter of the moon, when I felt that anxiety would be at its lowest point. I have since made plans to end my life with the crossbow at similar points of time in the future but, at the time in question, failed to take the safety catch off and fire.
There are also times, such as now, when I feel hopeful, I have hope that I can overcome this battle with anxiety, that I will find who and what I need to avoid ending my own life. I would be most grateful and deeply touched to anyone who would consider sparing me a thought to help me in this struggle. I have said and written this many times before during the last 8 months but this really does feel like I'm 'close to the bone' now. Please help me to fight another day.
Best wishes,
Michael
