Innate suicidal nature?

[catwalk]

Ever since I was ~8yo I "knew" that one day I'll off myself.
In the coming years and ever since I have been actively suicidal.
My mind has made up tens if not hundreds of reasons to do it, everytime one is gone a new one appears immediately after.
The thing is, I have no real reason to off myself. Decent family life, 0 trauma or abuse etc. (although I'm autistic)

My mind has simply been dead set on killing me since day 1, no matter what.
Anyone else have a similiar experience?

 

[Lost Magic]

Nah, I have had a ridiculously hard life so far.

 

[orlandom]

Ever since I was ~8yo I "knew" that one day I'll off myself.
In the coming years and ever since I have been actively suicidal.
My mind has made up tens if not hundreds of reasons to do it, everytime one is gone a new one appears immediately after.
The thing is, I have no real reason to off myself. Decent family life, 0 trauma or abuse etc. (although I'm autistic)

My mind has simply been dead set on killing me since day 1, no matter what.
Anyone else have a similiar experience?

Not.

I was happy to live.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Ever since I was ~8yo I "knew" that one day I'll off myself.
In the coming years and ever since I have been actively suicidal.
My mind has made up tens if not hundreds of reasons to do it, everytime one is gone a new one appears immediately after.
The thing is, I have no real reason to off myself. Decent family life, 0 trauma or abuse etc. (although I'm autistic)

My mind has simply been dead set on killing me since day 1, no matter what.
Anyone else have a similiar experience?

I have been obsessed with death and dying since I was very young too even on my best days I would lay at night and just hope to die and think about dying. I have done really reckless things in the past to force an accident or get myself in dangerous situations but to no avail.

I am autistic too maybe it is something to do with that because we get obsessed with things easily a psychologist told me.

Then when my life got worse the obsessions have just become more concrete plans.

 

[M.M]

I have it the same way. I thought about it a long time, since I was a kid, then it intensified as a teenager.
Now nearing my thirties, I've taken more concrete steps

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel the same way. I was always fascinated by death and while others feared it, I found it comforting. I think its in my nature as I always have seen it as a possible means of escape wherever I felt trapped by a situation. I have been depressed a lot of my life and have had anhedonia sometimes for no particular reason, and i've always been repulsed by the idea of growing old.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate.
I've been suicidal since I was 12.

I guess that, unlike normies, I've been "programmed" to ctb.

 

[russlinjimmies]

I've not had a terrible life by any stretch of the imagination, but there have been some pretty rough occurrences over the past several years that haven't helped my will to live.

More than anything I've had a desire to reach the end of everything since I was a kid. I've found it difficult to enjoy the journey and always think the joy is at the end when all the work is done. That's included living itself. I just want all the effort to cease and to no longer be.

 

[Lost Magic]

I am still tempted to go this year especially if things don't pan out well. Like many on this forum, death is comforting to me.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

Same here. No horrible life story, just suicidal for no reason. I think I was suicidal before I had the words for it, because I never thought I would live past 18.