In what year you truly died inside?

[lonerclown666]

In what year you died spiritually? for me its was in 2014 when my grandfather and cousin died i was never the same after that

 

[rabbithole]

I'm sorry for your loss.

my spirit died on 9/16/19. a lumbar puncture ruined my life that day.

 

[RainAndSadness]

2009

 

[xLosthopex]

2011
Oh that just made me realize this is my 10th year of my life having gone to shit

 

[Bigpink]

Gradual decline from 2009

 

[demuic]

2015

 

[lucacaro]

I'd say 2014. I think that's when my mental illnesses really started to show themselves.

 

[Daveyjones]

I'm trying to remember the exact moment but I recall it being in 2007. Really wish I could roll back time.

 

[death137]

2015

 

[SadGirl]

2013

 

[NodusTollens]

2015

 

[blackwidow92]

2020

 

[Forgotten]

I would say by 2012, by 2010 I already started showing signs, but by 2012 I was officially at the point of no return.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

End of 2015, then it died further in 2020.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Hard to say. 2020 killed me. But so did 2018 and 2019. Those were the years I tried to live again, to change my life for the better, after 10 years of isolation. Of course life couldn't have that. Every time I poke my head out for some sunlight life bitch-slaps me back down into this cold dark muddy hole.

Maybe it was 2001, when I broke it off with the girl I was going to marry. Maybe it was 1996, when I met the girl who fucked me up for every relationship I've tried to have since.

Maybe it was 1986 when my family moved from the most beautiful heaven to the ugliest hell. Maybe it was my high school years there, being bullied and ostracized and alienated.

Maybe it was 1975 when my mom married the man who would torment and shame and warp me into this weak, twisted fucking man-child-thing that I've become. Maybe it was every worsening year from 1975 until today.

Or maybe it began earlier than that, in 1972, when I was born to a father who kept trying to kill my mom and would kick or punch or throw me when I tried to intervene. One of the first things I ever knew was that life is hard and cruel.

What year was it when my mom first said "I miss your smile, I miss your laugh"? Probably in '86 or '87, shortly after starting school in this stinking hell. That was probably it. 1986.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

2000 when I failed uni and my girlfriend started sleeping with the guy in the next room. Since then I've been neet for all but a few years, and the desire to CTB just takes over more and more. In-between attempts there seems less and less to fill the void

 

[Pookie]

I've been in anguish for going on 8 years but my spirit finally broke in 2020. I think I still held onto a little hope all those years which kept me going somehow. Now I have no hope left.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Maybe it was 1986 when my family moved from the most beautiful heaven to the ugliest hell. Maybe it was my high school years there, being bullied and ostracized and alienated.

this stinking hell.

Where did you move to? Why was it bad?

 

[Isadeth]

2006. 1999 was the beginning of cracking the foundation of my soul, but 2006 broke me as a person. I've been picking up the pieces since with plenty of kicks in the teeth along the way.

 

[TowerUpright]

First desire to die was around 1988. Up and down ever since. Seems worse every year.

 

[justsad&done]

Slowly started in 1995. Cancer in 2018 made things worse. Fiance dying tragically 2020 - did me in completely.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Likely spring of 1982. Otherwise, spring of 1985. If those hadn't done the job, December 1994 surely would have.

In fact, the anniversary of that event still haunts me every year.

And yes, I am that old.

 

[EmptyManForever]

2018/2019, somewhere in between those two years

 

[floofhook]

2017 was the year when I realized I've been living in denial about how fucked up my life is.

 

[issyishere]

Life loves to stab people and watch them bleed out. 2015 I was stabbed once, 2019 I was stabbed again and then again a month ago .

 

[Vault of Memories]

Somewhere in the 2007 area. Wish I could actually relive the early years. They were good ones.

 

[WrongGuy47]

2015 then again in 2020

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Somewhere in the 2007 area. Wish I could actually relive the early years. They were good ones.

What would you relive?

 

[Vault of Memories]

What would you relive?

My life beforehand. I enjoyed like in the very early years of it.

 

[Ardesevent]

You all are making me feel like a old man already, being able to recall specific years.
The year my mother died. I can't remember which one it was anymore.