Imposing existence.

[FuneralCry]

I always find it so dreadful how humans impose existence even know one cannot suffer from never existing at all yet there is endless amounts of suffering in existing and anyway there was never a need for any of this at all.

More than anything I wish I never suffered and I see so much cruelty in how even know this existence was imposed there is no acceptance towards the personal choice to never suffer ever again.

Enslaving suicidal people in this existence and making the choice to cease existing into a crime is horrific extreme cruelty to me, suicidal people shouldn't be forced to suffer.
I hope those who suffer find the relief they search for, existence is very cruel and painful.

 

[Michelstaedter]

Since my little "pet friends" died, there has been a contradiction within me, on one hand I saw their suffering when they got sick and died, I have become obsessed with what happened to them so much that it won't leave my mind and I think that if I achieve my goal (to die), it doesn't matter the method, even if it is very painful like drowning, however I loved them and I would never have wanted them to suffer like that, because of what they lived through, they made me happy for almost a third of my life (the best time), but I would have liked to prevent them from suffering, even thinking that they would not be born, but it is hard to have that desire, because if they were not born, they would not suffer, however, by living, their suffering was inevitable.

I feel like an executioner, someone who commits a very serious offense against those I love. It's a feeling that makes me want to, like those who commit seppuku in Japan, grab a very sharp knife and stick it in my stomach so that CTB bleeds out.