I've never really thought beyond writing a big sign on the door of whatever room I'm in saying "DNR" in terms of preparing to be found (only after the deed preferably), alerting police etc. It's low on my list of priorities but something I should really prepare for tbh.
On the other side of things I think I'd try to spend a little time with each person I care about in my life before I decided to CTB… make sure I don't leave things on a bad note with anyone and just try and have one last good time in the hopes nobody blames themselves and they at least have one good memory.
One of the biggest things for me (and something I still haven't worked out) is how to ease as much of the pain and blame on my immediate family members and try to make them understand… the fact that it got to the point of me wanting to CTB; meant that it was my only option and there's nothing they or anyone else could've done to stop it or make me be happy. I'd like them not to be upset and understand that my suffering is over when I'm gone, not suffer themselves. The only reason I'm still here atm is for the sake of other people.
Sorry for the poorly written novel
That is exactly my situation too! I know how you feel.
I'm finding it really challenging at the moment though. I'm trying to give my immediate family as much opportunity to spend time and avoid feeling they could have done something more and feel any guilt but I'm kind of finding that I'm ending up giving them the rope to hang themselves as they aren't aware that it's coming so they're just juggling life as normal and as a result will probably end up beating themselves up. Part of me wants to just tell them so they're working with all the info but it's too much of a risk. It's a bit frustrating if I'm honest as I'm thinking about them and their best interests during the very worst time of my life and they're essentially oblivious. I totally get that that life is busy and new challenges take a bit of adjusting too so I don't blame them. I judt know that what I'm dealing with is so much worse than what they're struggling with.
I was planning to give it a while to avoid ruining anybodies festive period and have it bring up bad memories every year. Right now I feel like going immediately and I'm fearful of losing the ability once the best timing arrives. Its tearing me up on top of everything else I'm struggling with.
I need to rehome my cat too and she needs a specific kind of care and environment and as a result I don't know how I'll be able to do it. Plus she's never trusted any other humans and I took her in of the streets as she was a stray. I feel like I'm abandoning her in the worst of ways. I'm in tears just writing that. I don't know if I can hand her over, let alone make the arrangements.
I'm also really disappointed and feel like I'm letting down my sibling as I had a lot of wisdoms and life experience to share would help guide them through life. It's like I's been in training all my life for that purpose only to be mamed by illness at a crucial moment. I have memory and cognitive issues as a result of my illness and now nobody will ever know or benefit from the things I've put my efforts into learning and understanding.
Sorry to bogart your thread OP. I'll shut up now. Kind got stuck on a trail of thought and need to voice it in the presence of the only people who actually can relate. Catharsis I guess.
Thank you.
help is much appreciated.
