I'm way more mentally ill than I'd realized.

[RazzleDazzle]

I've realized that I have mental health problems way beyond what I thought that I had before. And I just can't even.... I'm so tired of trying to figure out what's wrong with me so I can just live a boring, stable life. I don't want to keep going. I don't see how I even can.

I've really fought the idea of ctb but now it's all I can see.

 

[wannabesetfree]

So sorry you feel this way.

I wish I had some advice for you, but given what I know about you, as of now I would recommend taking things day by day. What would be your method of choice? I would choose something painless and something somewhat hard to achieve so it can be something that you work towards-a goal if you will. That will give you a sense of purpose aside from the typical boring stable life that many want to force us to live.

Just out of curiosity though, if you could have it your way, how would you be living life?

 

[spinningharmonica]

I've realized that I have mental health problems way beyond what I thought that I had before. And I just can't even.... I'm so tired of trying to figure out what's wrong with me so I can just live a boring, stable life. I don't want to keep going. I don't see how I even can.

I've really fought the idea of ctb but now it's all I can see.

Me too. I haven't really fought the idea of ctb but it definitely emphaises on the ctb. I'm too far gone in the mental health spectrum.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I understand it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

So sorry you feel this way.

I wish I had some advice for you, but given what I know about you, as of now I would recommend taking things day by day. What would be your method of choice? I would choose something painless and something somewhat hard to achieve so it can be something that you work towards-a goal if you will. That will give you a sense of purpose aside from the typical boring stable life that many want to force us to live.

Just out of curiosity though, if you could have it your way, how would you be living life?

Thanks, much appreciated. Yeah, I go in and out of wanting to ctb, which is why I'm here. It's so daunting to realize how screwed up and isolated I am.

I'm going to go with the exit bag, it's what I can see myself following through on, and I'm handy enough to be pretty confident that I can figure out the equipment etc. And there's not a huge risk of a downside with a failed attempt like disability etc. I live alone so pretty much no chance of being interrupted part way through.

I'd like to have a stable life with a normal, boring job and a handful of friends. I'm not really functional at the moment and that's not necessarily a given, although I am applying for jobs so we'll see if something comes up. I've really screwed up my life and have a really screwy resume, but at this point something is better than nothing.

Thanks again for the kind words.