Venting I’m Unraveling: I Hate the Holidays

[NodusTollens]

God I cant take it anymore, I'm so f*cking done. The holidays need to be over!

Bad memories. Obligations. Togetherness? Who does that benefit? How can I show my face when... —sigh—

I just want to do what I have to do & everything keeps getting in the way. How do I tie up loose ends when things keep being thrown at me? When do I just stop trying to make things easier for others & focus on me?

 

[WornOutLife]

I hate it too! People are so fake in the meetings. Disgusting!

 

[NodusTollens]

I hate it too! People are so fake in the meetings Disgusting!

Being the only suicidal person in the room is challenging enough.

 

[sadworld]

Being the only suicidal person in the room is challenging enough.

Oh, that's true. I'm alone this christmas but I wouldn't be able to fake the happiness.

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh, that's true. I'm alone this christmas but I wouldn't be able to fake the happiness.

I used to be an expert at faking my emotions! Now, I just can't!
I'm glad I can be honest with all the people here! (you're included of course <3)

 

[Ghost2211]

You are here with us, and you can be you with us. Also, you're for sure not the only suicidal person in the room here :)

 

[NodusTollens]

You are here with us, and you can be you with us. Also, you're for sure not the only suicidal person in the room here :)

Thanks, I really appreciate this. All I want to do is cry it's so overwhelming.

Oh, that's true. I'm alone this christmas but I wouldn't be able to fake the happiness.

I feel like a liar ... & with people being generous/loving, I feel like I don't belong in the room.


———


I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about attempting right now. The urges to bang my head against the wall & punch a wall have already been circling in my mind.

I'm angry, what seems like all the time. Damn, I hate myself.

COVID's caused people to miss out & now that I'm verging on leaving, everyone suddenly has something: familial guilt, random get together, Xmas dinners, the forced conversations...

I'm having flashbacks like you wouldn't believe & I'm expected to be a whole person?