I'm too much of a coward

[Zimcity]

Earlier this week I tried twice to get so drunk and drugged that I'd fall asleep in a rub outside in the negative. Twice i spent too long drinking. Once i woke up on the floor. Next i woke up on the bed only having made the tub ready. Third time I couldn't get drunk enough and I was out of pills so i couldn't get to sleep and gave up by the onset of hypothermia.

Tonight i stood for 3 hours on the bridge.
I'm so afraid it's not high enough. I'm so afraid I'll just get mangled and suffer. I just got back to the car and I don't know what to do. If I could only find a good off button!

 

[WornOutLife]

Sorry to hear that. It seems you're dealing with a lot.
Alcohol helps me when I have doubts or I'm really sad but later on, makes me feel worse.

Wish you the best with whatever decision you make.

 

[profoundexperience]

If I could only find a good off button!

Same for many of us too.

Please be kind and gentle with yourself.

You're not so much a "coward"... as you're just working-through perhaps the most difficult thing anyone can face.

Please be patient with yourself.

 

[merpmerp]

You are not a coward. Youre facing the most painful thing that anyone could possibly inflict on themselves. its incredibly difficult to do.

im sorry to hear that youre hurting. alcohol always makes me feel worse. like others have said trust in yourself and trust that your body will ultimately decide for you what the best decision is. sending love to you as i know that what youre going through is incredibly painful and difficult but we are all with you in this time <3

 

[signifying nothing]

Sounds tough, but every time you try you are learning a bit more about the experience and what it will take. The right time will come.