Venting I'm tired of being here

[Brayu]

Damn, I can't do this decently... there's always something that stops me.

I'm already 23 years old and I'm still in this with Bipolar Disorder and a lot of grief on my back...

And they still say "if you wanted to, you would have already done it". That means if I scream for help no one else will listen! Damn that hurts a lot.

And I can hardly show weakness... I'll end up eating the damn castor bean on impulse and I'll die of pain or be repudiated forever...

I can't take it anymore... sometimes I'm hoping to be murdered or have an accident, things shouldn't be like that. This will never happen to me (maybe it will if I start to get better), it seems that unfortunately I'm immortal...

Stress gives me migraines almost every time.

 

[kingkong57]

Whatever happens no one will remember us in 100, 1000 or 10000 years, you got to beat that SI if you CTB. Otherwise I'd advice you to buckle up because the only guaranteed constant in our reality is change, and if the change in your life is destined to plunge you further into your misery then .. well I don't think that's for me to ponder over. Life is suffering and an endless cycle of destruction only there is a gateway out of here if we can defeat SI.

 

[plough22]

I believe things can change for the better and worst, I'm a prime example. I'd you cannot get over SI and it's hard, then the peace will have to be found elsewhere. I wish you the best

 

[FuneralCry]

I am also very tired of living, but I understand it is difficult to leave this earth as we are programmed to survive. I wish it was easier to let go of life. I'm sorry you are suffering so much, I get that it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. Life really is a terrible thing, I mean we were perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to be alive. I hope to fall asleep and never wake up. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[sadstargazer231]

mean

Beautifully stated, completely understood and so very sad, FuneralCry.. I wish you peace.

 

[UnemployedMD]

I am also very tired of living, but I understand it is difficult to leave this earth as we are programmed to survive. I wish it was easier to let go of life. I'm sorry you are suffering so much, I get that it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. Life really is a terrible thing, I mean we were perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to be alive. I hope to fall asleep and never wake up. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Waking up in the morning for me feels comparable to being kicked in between my legs. The idea of needing to wait 50 years to die alone from natural causes makes me nauseous. I wish I could fall asleep too and pass peacefully or that a truck could plow into me head on the next time I take a drive somewhere, but I know with certainty at this point that the world is not merciful enough to allow something like that to happen to me. Not existing sounds amazing too. We already spent billions of years in that state before we were born and are all heading there anyway one day just to be forgotten to history.

 

[stellabelle]

Damn, I can't do this decently... there's always something that stops me.

I'm already 23 years old and I'm still in this with Bipolar Disorder and a lot of grief on my back...

And they still say "if you wanted to, you would have already done it". That means if I scream for help no one else will listen! Damn that hurts a lot.

And I can hardly show weakness... I'll end up eating the damn castor bean on impulse and I'll die of pain or be repudiated forever...

I can't take it anymore... sometimes I'm hoping to be murdered or have an accident, things shouldn't be like that. This will never happen to me (maybe it will if I start to get better), it seems that unfortunately I'm immortal...

Stress gives me migraines almost every time.

Are you legitimately bipolar or have you been pushed too many times and finally snapped? Had people go behind your back or repeatedly attack you and then lie about it when you become upset like a reasonable person would?
that "if you wanted to you already would've" is a bunch of "wise ass" bullshit commentary from the peanut gallery. That's why I think there should be safe and accessible solutions to permanently end a permanent problem, the problem of living at all. No more liars and game players and comments.

 

[Brayu]

Are you legitimately bipolar or have you been pushed too many times and finally snapped? Had people go behind your back or repeatedly attack you and then lie about it when you become upset like a reasonable person would?
that "if you wanted to you already would've" is a bunch of "wise ass" bullshit commentary from the peanut gallery. That's why I think there should be safe and accessible solutions to permanently end a permanent problem, the problem of living at all. No more liars and game players and comments.

in fact bipolar (Affective Bipolar Disorder)

 

[Hurt]

I hate being here too. Waking up just to regret being alive and having lots of suicidal thoughts through the day.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Whatever happens no one will remember us in 100, 1000 or 10000 years, you got to beat that SI if you CTB. Otherwise I'd advice you to buckle up because the only guaranteed constant in our reality is change, and if the change in your life is destined to plunge you further into your misery then .. well I don't think that's for me to ponder over. Life is suffering and an endless cycle of destruction only there is a gateway out of here if we can defeat SI.

i'm tired of a lot of things too . i thought the exact same things as in your post. Only on this website do you hear truths such as these. Everywhere else i see pro-life cliches imo where life is seen as a gift or sacred as if disease, cancer, old age, accident , dementia were not certainties : got news for the pro-lifers old age ,disease ,cons, scams , lies, injustice , unfairness, and dementia are certain and are hells