Rue89
Visionary
- Feb 10, 2020
- 2,726
I had a very uncomfortable conversation with my mom today. I forget how it came up, but she asked if I had sent a message to my neurologist about my medication (Lexapro). My neurologist had upped my dose over a month ago and there has still been no change in my anxiety, and I've had the bad side effect of weight gain. I said no, I had forgotten. Then my past medications came up in the conversation and my mom mentioned that she thought some of them helped at least somewhat. I said no they didn't and she replied, "So you've still been depressed and anxious and wanting to kill yourself all this time?" It's a good thing I've become a good liar. Well the only lie I told was that I don't want to ctb. I also clarified that I meant that none of the medications ever helped with my anxiety, which had been at a fairly constant level for some years until it got even worse at the end of last year, but lamotrigine, which I've been on for years has helped with my depression. It seemed like she believed me, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure she totally believed me last time ctb came up in conversation. Now I'm terrified that she might search my room sometime when I'm not home and find my SN, antiemetics, and stuff, and I really need to ctb asap, before this happens.
