PeacefulRest
Member
- Sep 26, 2020
- 13
I joined in September, certain the end of my own choosing, the least bad choice I had at the time, was upon me. I read the forum posts and felt a sense of peace and acceptance, hoping that it might not come to my own euthenasia, but knowing that if it did, I could do it. In this, at least, I was not alone.
I got my SN, eventually, and my antiemetic, and that's all I have now. It's still hard for me to accept that this small tub of white powder is lethal to me. What if it's fake? Why would it be, though. Is it really this simple? Why wouldn't it be. Today, I got more bad news, and this is the catalyst for me choosing my own time and place to die. But still I resist.
One of my problems is that I am not alone. I would leave behind a loving companion of very many years (neutral pronouns used to protect my anonymity). We have talked, and they accept my choice, which is in some ways only makes it harder. I love my partner more than life itself. They are so sad when contemplating my death, so much sadder than I am. Thus, the conundrum.
Thank you to the admins and the mods and to everyone here who contributes and shares. I don't really want to die, it's not my first choice, not quite, but events are moving it up my list, tick by tick. My decision is made infinitely more manageable given this community here. I am truly grateful, enough so to come out of my lurking and hiding and to say just this.
I got my SN, eventually, and my antiemetic, and that's all I have now. It's still hard for me to accept that this small tub of white powder is lethal to me. What if it's fake? Why would it be, though. Is it really this simple? Why wouldn't it be. Today, I got more bad news, and this is the catalyst for me choosing my own time and place to die. But still I resist.
One of my problems is that I am not alone. I would leave behind a loving companion of very many years (neutral pronouns used to protect my anonymity). We have talked, and they accept my choice, which is in some ways only makes it harder. I love my partner more than life itself. They are so sad when contemplating my death, so much sadder than I am. Thus, the conundrum.
Thank you to the admins and the mods and to everyone here who contributes and shares. I don't really want to die, it's not my first choice, not quite, but events are moving it up my list, tick by tick. My decision is made infinitely more manageable given this community here. I am truly grateful, enough so to come out of my lurking and hiding and to say just this.
