Venting I'm realized I'm asperger and I can't accept it

[Sadbanana]

I was always wierd now that I think about it. When I was a kid other kids didn't want to be my friends, I got laughed at a lot. It didn't get better when I changed schools too. On highschool I was extremely isolated, because I developed social anxiety and didn't want the past to repeat itself. There were some girls that liked me, but once they got to know me closer they lost interest.

For long time I believed there was nothing wrong with me and that I can solve this problem. I was blaming my oack of social skills on external factors, on my parents divorce and chaotic conditions in my childhood, which added to the problem, but wasn't the primary cause. My brian was trying to protect me from realizing this, making me delusional.

Now it almost physically feels like I'm torn apart. This feels like everything good I believed about myself, all the hope I had is now gone. I can barely even function with this amount of depression and shame. I'm really scared of death and also how it would devastate my family, but I also don't want to live this life, because it is pure pain now.

I don't know if I'm asperger for sure, but either way I have huge issues with socializing, which seems to stem from some mental disability. From my family I get a lot "just accept yourself", but it's not so easy as it sounds, especially when I don't get accepted by others.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I can identify. When I was first diagnosed with DID I literally blew a gasket. I cant say how long it will take you, but I can tell you eventually it will integrate. i was torn literally apart.

 

[EternalShore]

I don't know if I'm asperger for sure, but either way I have huge issues with socializing, which seems to stem from some mental disability. From my family I get a lot "just accept yourself", but it's not so easy as it sounds, especially when I don't get accepted by others.

yeah~ :( my parents also accuse me of having autism sometimes, and I fear that I do too~ I've basically been without irl friends since high school, and I'm super slow socially! >_< it sucks lots! :((( I'm sorry that you have have to deal with the same fear~ :( if it was not professionally diagnosed, I would just try to ignore it, deluding yourself, and hoping for the best~ :) not professional by any means but do you have hypersensitivity to sounds? :) It's not 100% certain, but I do know that that's very frequent in Asperger's~ >_<

 

[Sadbanana]

I can identify. When I was first diagnosed with DID I literally blew a gasket. I cant say how long it will take you, but I can tell you eventually it will integrate. i was torn literally apart.

I can't imagine integrating this, but I hope it will happen for me too. Is there something you did to that helped make it easier?

yeah~ :( my parents also accuse me of having autism sometimes, and I fear that I do too~ I've basically been without irl friends since high school, and I'm super slow socially! >_< it sucks lots! :((( I'm sorry that you have have to deal with the same fear~ :( if it was not professionally diagnosed, I would just try to ignore it, deluding yourself, and hoping for the best~ :) not professional by any means but do you have hypersensitivity to sounds? :) It's not 100% certain, but I do know that that's very frequent in Asperger's~ >_<

I would say, a little bit. I can hear high pitch so some phone chargers are super annoying. I also hate it when I'm in some loud crowd. Overall I would say it's not as bad for me as it's described. But everyone has different symptoms, so in my case it's mostly just the social problems.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I can't imagine integrating this, but I hope it will happen for me too. Is there something you did to that helped make it easier?

I would say, a little bit. I can hear high pitch so some phone chargers are super annoying. I also hate it when I'm in some loud crowd. Overall I would say it's not as bad for me as it's described. But everyone has different symptoms, so in my case it's mostly just the social problems.

No. It was just time. Over time you accept what you are even if it is broken.

 

[MythicalCreatures]

Yeah this is very much something that gets accepted over time. My wife is autistic and it causes some bumps on the road but she has learned strategies to deal with it and lives a happy life.