I'm Not Going To Pretend I'm Not Crazy

[MechanicalDonkey]

I feel bad for telling her of my desire to die. Seems manipulative. That's what she sees. That's what I feel. No more.

So this time, I will OD on N without telling her beforehand. I would give my life for her. I will show her that I didn't mean to manipulate her. That this is how I truly feel. That I thought she was incredible. That she is. And that she was worth my entire life.

No more pain. I'm going to confess my love in my actions, and at the same time stop hurting so much every moment of the day.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

Hi there. Welcome to the forum. Interesting username - Mechanical Donkey!

It is not clear who is "she" that you are referring to. Is she your gf, wife or unrequited love? Do you wish to share what is going on? There are many people here with common situations and maybe you can relate to them better once they know your story.

Feel welcomed and loved here. People care here.

 

[MechanicalDonkey]

Hi there. Welcome to the forum. Interesting username - Mechanical Donkey!

It is not clear who is "she" that you are referring to. Is she your gf, wife or unrequited love? Do you wish to share what is going on? There are many people here with common situations and maybe you can relate to them better once they know your story.

Feel welcomed and loved here. People care here.

She is my ex. We treated each other really poorly. Knew her for six years. Honestly, it's a long story. Not an interesting one. Drop out, failed military career, poor, depression for a really long time. Saw her as my last chance of happiness. Not an obsession though. It was love, for who she was. I wanted a fairytale wedding with her. And children. I just kinda blew it. We fought, verbally, I cheated once, she reaped me pretty bad financially. But she isn't a bad person. Deep down. I am. And she left. And we ended on terrible terms. Now I have nothing to look forward to. Because I dont wish to live without her. And I want to finally sleep. And I want to show her how much she means to me. Despite all we did to each other. Despite my actions before.