im kind of losing it and afraid

[owarikigan]

i feel like im ready to go soon , i'm scared and i don't know if i'm just in the worst possible low or psychosis episode and facing impulses but it's getting bad. really alone cant stop crying losing my mind holding back my temper kind of bad. like i'm shocked i'm able to type properly when i can't think straight or ground myself at all. my last resort and most accessible and likely method if this persists is a firearm that i would have to search for anyways and the thought of even a split second of pain terrifies me though i know it wont matter.
i'm so full of regret for everyone forced to be around me and for them to meet me and attach to me just for me to leave like this . it makes me sob but i don't know how much more i can handle when nothing that could save me feels or is attainable.

 

[whywere]

1st off, I give you a HUGE HUG!!

2nd, I wish with all my heart that you did not think and feel that regret ever, as I bet folks like you and being around you. Having you here as a good friend and family member to me, makes my pain filled days so much better.

You are NEVER EVER alone and I 100% want you to know that I care about you VERY much. I never ever in my 70 plus years on this planet ever B.S., I am 100% straight with folks and with YOU.

Reading this made me cry, as no one should ever feel like that they are anything but kind and intelligent souls, and I know that you fit both of those categories so well.

I NEED you here and always will.

Heart to heart to you with hugs and love.

Walter