Venting I'm just a toy

[Spyro24]

I'm on vacation right now but I can't help but feel terrible. Terrible might be the wrong word... just empty. There is nothing left to feel, no tears left to cry, absolutely nothing. I want to cry but I can't cry anymore.

I wish people would stop treating me like a toy, something they use when they need it and throw away when they no longer need it. It amazes me how many times I've had to go through the same exact thing over and over again. I trust someone, we become close and then they use me and throw me away. Maybe I'm just the problem. It feels like I have no desirable traits except maybe that I'm easily manipulated or some shit. I've resorted to eating when I feel bad and it has caused me to gain weight, making me even less desirable and even more of a laughing stock. I'm scared to death of meeting new people now just because I fear they will use me too.

I met someone on SS and thank god I did because she is the only thing holding me together and probably the only reason I haven't ctb yet. Even then I feel like I will eventually lose her too.

Apologies for the terrible post... I start thinking about what I want to write and then I end up forgetting most of it.

 

[hamvil]

I'm on vacation right now but I can't help but feel terrible. Terrible might be the wrong word... just empty. There is nothing left to feel, no tears left to cry, absolutely nothing. I want to cry but I can't cry anymore.

I wish people would stop treating me like a toy, something they use when they need it and throw away when they no longer need it. It amazes me how many times I've had to go through the same exact thing over and over again. I trust someone, we become close and then they use me and throw me away. Maybe I'm just the problem. It feels like I have no desirable traits except maybe that I'm easily manipulated or some shit. I've resorted to eating when I feel bad and it has caused me to gain weight, making me even less desirable and even more of a laughing stock. I'm scared to death of meeting new people now just because I fear they will use me too.

I met someone on SS and thank god I did because she is the only thing holding me together and probably the only reason I haven't ctb yet. Even then I feel like I will eventually lose her too.

Apologies for the terrible post... I start thinking about what I want to write and then I end up forgetting most of it.

Maybe you should be more careful about the people you hangout.

 

[yuno]

I relate a lot with what you're saying here. Formerly an anorexic, lately I have also overeating as a means of feeling something and that doubles as a form of self torment, knowing that it's ruining my ruined body. I've gone on vacations and sat in pools still contemplating why I can't feel anything even in a state of luxury. Finally, I am also terrified of the prospect of meeting people and even just interacting with people. For so many reasons, but part of it is that fear of being used. I have been used, that much has been confirmed to me in the worst of ways. I'm sorry you're struggling with it. It's hard to find good people.

 

[CTB Dream]

People cruelty use each other entertainment feel bored differe leave pretend nothing happen. Same Me trauma cause people , when feel new product people come later throw, other life existence mean nothing them people use each other resources only

 

[FuneralCry]

People can be very cruel and selfish and to me it's so awful the way that many people treat others. There's already enough suffering in this world without other people making things much worse.

 

[Pluto]

I have this problem too. I was never loved as a child due to a narcissistic family, so as an adult I tended to try and attract people by being generous, knowledgeable, caring or displaying other useful qualities. Because my lovable human side is vacuous, the result is people using me but then finding no reason to stick around long-term. It doesn't feel nice to notice that the same people are often instead attracted to quite selfish people who just happen to have a sense of entitlement around receiving love.