ok ik im here to vent but i actually dont want to dissect every single way im jealous of every single person. what I will say tho is that im jealous of a girl who killed herself, so much so that I think its why im here on this website.
im actually pretty decent at becoming other people which is handy since i have such a crippling issue with jealousy. this girl killed herself. long story that i lwk alr posted. im enraptured by her. I'm want to become her. to the point I'm almost willing to die to do it.
Ik this is crazy and genuinely j like wtf. I have my own depressive issues and what not, this wasn't a totally original idea. still though. also like why can't I be her in the good ways?? maybe cause her suicide is the only way i know her and the most impressive and shocking and beautiful of them all. maybe cause i can't possible achieve the things she did so there's no point in trying.
I'm so embarrassed and kinda scared for myself, bc, again—wtf. also it would be so embarrassing to die because of that. Because I'm jealous of a girl that also killed heraelf. That literally doesn't make any sense at all. genuinely the people in my life would be so underwhelmed and just like idek weird about my death. cause being a copy cat to this degree is seriously mental.
I prolly won't ctb but I wish I wanted to be myself. I wish I knew who I was. I feel so disgusted by me and I have no sense of identity anymore. Fuel to the flame, I just want to die and start that identity journey over. I do this with my art. Start over again and again until it's just right. I can't really do that this time. I hate it. I hate being me. Idk who being me is. I wish I liked it. I wish I liked figuring out who I am. I wish I liked me. I wish I knew me. Blah blah blah.
Like I know this is psychotic. If I knew how to stop it I would. I've been this way for so long. I'm kinda assuming none of you have the answer though
im actually pretty decent at becoming other people which is handy since i have such a crippling issue with jealousy. this girl killed herself. long story that i lwk alr posted. im enraptured by her. I'm want to become her. to the point I'm almost willing to die to do it.
Ik this is crazy and genuinely j like wtf. I have my own depressive issues and what not, this wasn't a totally original idea. still though. also like why can't I be her in the good ways?? maybe cause her suicide is the only way i know her and the most impressive and shocking and beautiful of them all. maybe cause i can't possible achieve the things she did so there's no point in trying.
I'm so embarrassed and kinda scared for myself, bc, again—wtf. also it would be so embarrassing to die because of that. Because I'm jealous of a girl that also killed heraelf. That literally doesn't make any sense at all. genuinely the people in my life would be so underwhelmed and just like idek weird about my death. cause being a copy cat to this degree is seriously mental.
I prolly won't ctb but I wish I wanted to be myself. I wish I knew who I was. I feel so disgusted by me and I have no sense of identity anymore. Fuel to the flame, I just want to die and start that identity journey over. I do this with my art. Start over again and again until it's just right. I can't really do that this time. I hate it. I hate being me. Idk who being me is. I wish I liked it. I wish I liked figuring out who I am. I wish I liked me. I wish I knew me. Blah blah blah.
Like I know this is psychotic. If I knew how to stop it I would. I've been this way for so long. I'm kinda assuming none of you have the answer though
