i’m hanging myself at a playground and i feel bad about it

[nihilisticmystics]

i can no longer procrastinate on ctb like how i've been doing the past 7 months, because now i'm at the point where everything i was avoiding is catching up to me now, and i can't keep pushing my ctb date back. now i am seriously going to do it, either tonight or tomorrow. it depends on how intoxicated i still feel in a littlr bit but anyways,

the only anchor points in my room are my ceiling fan, my door, my closet rod, and doorknobs for partial. i can't use anywhere else in the house bc i have a roommate.

so my plan is to wait until it's around 2-3 am, walk to the park, make sure my messages and letters r all scheduled to be sent, and then hang myself at thr playground.

i feel really bad abt where im gonna do it, but you must know, i live near an urban city, there is almost no privacy or nature or trees or anything like that until you get to the neighborhood with ythe park that ill be doing it at

**If anyone is in tx and wants a ctb partner we cld totally do it but if i dont respond by tomorrow then my attempt worked ty :>

 

[moin]

if u need someone to talk to im always here

 

[itsgone2]

I'm not going to criticize the location. Whatever you decide I wish you peace. I know we've been on some threads together about fsh and the fear of going through with it. It's the only thing holding me back from doing this as well tonight. I wish we weren't at this point in life.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

I'm not going to criticize the location. Whatever you decide I wish you peace. I know we've been on some threads together about fsh and the fear of going through with it. It's the only thing holding me back from doing this as well tonight. I wish we weren't at this point in life.

<3 do you want to talk in dms? you don't have to be alone tonight

 

[bpdgirl27]

i'd totally be down 2 be ur ctb partner i unfortunately dont live in tx :< ive been procrastinating too

 

[nihilisticmystics]

o

i'd totally be down 2 be ur ctb partner i unfortunately dont live in tx :< ive been procrastinating too

omggg girl i have bpd too and bipolar,, are u at least near ?:'<

 

[bpdgirl27]

o

omggg girl i have bpd too and bipolar,, are u at least near ?:'<

a little bit :(( but im def not close enough im in fl. and bpd and bipolar disorder at the same time sounds like hell on earth.. i have bpd and adhd

 

[nihilisticmystics]

a little bit :(( but im def not close enough im in fl. and bpd and bipolar disorder at the same time sounds like hell on earth.. i have bpd and adhd

oh i see,, if anything we wld js do it at the same time.. do you have discord? wanna talk? and bpd abd bipolar IS hell but holyshit bpd w adhd im so sorry

 

[bpdgirl27]

oh i see,, if anything we wld js do it at the same time.. do you have discord? wanna talk? and bpd abd bipolar IS hell but holyshit bpd w adhd im so sorry

i do have discord ya!! and i rlly do need sm1 to talk to rn im not sure how to private message cus i havent used this site inna while so ill just put it here and then edit it later

 

[woodlandcreature]

i feel you. once i can get a proper rope im out of here i cant keep living like this… the only place i can use as an anchor is a tree outside, as i live in a pretty suicide-proof dorm. i know some rando is gonna end up finding me… but life is and has always been agonizing. some of us can't keep waiting for a better opportunity. i thought i would be able to find a better option, but it's been years, things have only gotten worse, and now im even worse off financially than i was then. if i keep waiting i'll be waiting forever. i can't do that.
i hope you're able to find peace - good luck on your journey <3

 

[telekon]

I'm gonna be the one to say it I guess... playground is a really bad place to ctb as some kid might see you, and that would be very traumatizing for them

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I have to agree with Telekon on this, if you aren't found in time by an adult (who will still be traumatized) you might really mess up some poor kid or kids.

Also her discord is in your reply, make sure you edit it and delete it just in case! Lol

Also also I recently got diagnosed and have a follow up appointment soon, but my doc thinks theres a chance I'm bipolar, and schizophrenic hes not to sure yet so hes testing it? He gave me a sorta catch all med to help with my lack of sleep, severe depression, and severe anxiety; that also helps with being bipolar and schizophrenic. It's weird to hear that I could be fucking nuts lol.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

i feel you. once i can get a proper rope im out of here i cant keep living like this… the only place i can use as an anchor is a tree outside, as i live in a pretty suicide-proof dorm. i know some rando is gonna end up finding me… but life is and has always been agonizing. some of us can't keep waiting for a better opportunity. i thought i would be able to find a better option, but it's been years, things have only gotten worse, and now im even worse off financially than i was then. if i keep waiting i'll be waiting forever. i can't do that.
i hope you're able to find peace - good luck on your journey <3

godspeed<3

 

[wantingdignity]

You're not just risking traumatizing a kid who might see it, you would be traumatizing so many kids who have or will use that playground. It will be on the news. People will see it there. Like it or not, you will forever traumatize all kids around that neighborhood.

Youre not ready to do this. Call someone. You're not thinking clearly if you don't mind traumatizing them. I'm really sorry you're in pain. Im in the same boat.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

You're not just risking traumatizing a kid who might see it, you would be traumatizing so many kids who have or will use that playground. It will be on the news. People will see it there. Like it or not, you will forever traumatize all kids around that neighborhood.

Youre not ready to do this. Call someone. You're not thinking clearly if you don't mind traumatizing them. I'm really sorry you're in pain. Im in the same boat.

i need to kill myself by tomorrow night, thank you for the advice though

 

[wantingdignity]

You really don't. I know it feels like it though. Please exhaust all other options first. You are in a ton of pain and deserve to have people listen to you. You deserve to be heard.

 

[untameduniquer]

a little bit :(( but im def not close enough im in fl. and bpd and bipolar disorder at the same time sounds like hell on earth.. i have bpd and adhd

wait bc same but i have been diagnosed with ptsd, depression and anxiety disorder. also i am bipolar but haven't been diagnosed with that, and i am in the same boat as you guys. can i send you a pm if you're comfortable with that?? it's nice to know someone else can relate

i can no longer procrastinate on ctb like how i've been doing the past 7 months, because now i'm at the point where everything i was avoiding is catching up to me now, and i can't keep pushing my ctb date back. now i am seriously going to do it, either tonight or tomorrow. it depends on how intoxicated i still feel in a littlr bit but anyways,

the only anchor points in my room are my ceiling fan, my door, my closet rod, and doorknobs for partial. i can't use anywhere else in the house bc i have a roommate.

so my plan is to wait until it's around 2-3 am, walk to the park, make sure my messages and letters r all scheduled to be sent, and then hang myself at thr playground.

i feel really bad abt where im gonna do it, but you must know, i live near an urban city, there is almost no privacy or nature or trees or anything like that until you get to the neighborhood with ythe park that ill be doing it at

**If anyone is in tx and wants a ctb partner we cld totally do it but if i dont respond by tomorrow then my attempt worked ty :>

feel like i wrote this. i had plans for ctb 7 months ago as well, and unfortunately i am still here suffering more than ever, and i have to do it bc everything is definitely catching up to me and things have gotten worse since, just know you're not alone and i feel this way as well!! i am not in tx but i do live close.

 

[Wonhun]

hi

i do have discord ya!! and i rlly do need sm1 to talk to rn im not sure how to private message cus i havent used this site inna while so ill just put it here and then edit it later

i think you need to post around 30 or something in order to unlock additional feature
not sure the exact number but recall seeing a post about it

 

[setspiritfree]

i can no longer procrastinate on ctb like how i've been doing the past 7 months, because now i'm at the point where everything i was avoiding is catching up to me now, and i can't keep pushing my ctb date back. now i am seriously going to do it, either tonight or tomorrow. it depends on how intoxicated i still feel in a littlr bit but anyways,

the only anchor points in my room are my ceiling fan, my door, my closet rod, and doorknobs for partial. i can't use anywhere else in the house bc i have a roommate.

so my plan is to wait until it's around 2-3 am, walk to the park, make sure my messages and letters r all scheduled to be sent, and then hang myself at thr playground.

i feel really bad abt where im gonna do it, but you must know, i live near an urban city, there is almost no privacy or nature or trees or anything like that until you get to the neighborhood with ythe park that ill be doing it at

**If anyone is in tx and wants a ctb partner we cld totally do it but if i dont respond by tomorrow then my attempt worked ty :>

I am nowhere near tx but I will give you a long distance hug. Hope you find the peace you deserve. I totally hear you about the time running out. That is where I am getting myself

 

[bpdgirl27]

wait bc same but i have been diagnosed with ptsd, depression and anxiety disorder. also i am bipolar but haven't been diagnosed with that, and i am in the same boat as you guys. can i send you a pm if you're comfortable with that?? it's nice to know someone else can relate


feel like i wrote this. i had plans for ctb 7 months ago as well, and unfortunately i am still here suffering more than ever, and i have to do it bc everything is definitely catching up to me and things have gotten worse since, just know you're not alone and i feel this way as well!! i am not in tx but i do live close.

my original post was deleted but ya ! but im not sure how pms work on here id love to talk tho <3