I'm giving up on recovery

[Trazyn]

I've been trying really hard. I'm in therapy, I'm medicated, I'm eating healthily, I'm exercising, I'm making sure I sleep enough, I'm working on improving my career.

But none of it matters because the loneliness and isolation is crippling. I've tried talking to friends, but they rarely reply, never reach out unless I do first and cancel last minute when I try to arrange to do something with them. I've tried making new friends online, but all I've met is people who just ghost or narcissists who ignore what I say just so they can talk about themselves more. I've tried the recovery partners megathread in here - you'd think that the people there would be understanding and supportive, but they ghost just like anywhere else online. I've tried talking to my family, but they can't even make time for one phone call in an entire week despite me feeling suicidal and on top of that, having just lost my job. The only people who will talk are health professionals who are paid to, and then only for a certain time limit.

I'm getting to the point where I'm beginning to resent everybody. Where I'm just disgusted at having to interact with another human because they're probably going to be the same as all the rest. Where I'm hoping that another covid is just around the corner, except this time it wipes the board completely clean.

I want to recover, I don't want to die,, but I want to live like this even less. So I don't see another option but suicide.

 

[slightoverlooked]

Hi I know how this feels like. I hope you can find a community where you feel accepted and loved. Idk how old you are but I have only met good friends when I turned 23 and thats only a year ago.

 

[Trazyn]

Hi I know how this feels like. I hope you can find a community where you feel accepted and loved. Idk how old you are but I have only met good friends when I turned 23 and thats only a year ago.

I'm 45. Which is another barrier because there's so few people in their 30s and 40s actually looking to make friends online. Most places it's people in their 20s.

If I can survive long enough to make some changes in my life then I can try offline. But right now I've got too much anxiety and not enough money to do that.

I'm glad to hear you've found people. Having a strong support network around you is so important.

 

[slightoverlooked]

I'm 45. Which is another barrier because there's so few people in their 30s and 40s actually looking to make friends online. Most places it's people in their 20s.

If I can survive long enough to make some changes in my life then I can try offline. But right now I've got too much anxiety and not enough money to do that.

I'm glad to hear you've found people. Having a strong support network around you is so important.

I understand :( Being older makes it harder finding friends. I hope you can make it though! I wish you the best.

 

[Uncounted1846]

I'm in a similar boat. I recently reached out to someone I considered a "friend" about RuPaul's upcoming movie hoping she would want to see it with me. all she said was she was aware of it. People are so self absorbed it's so frustrating!

I moved to a rural area a year ago and it's gotten even lonelier and harder to make connections. I'm unemployed so I spend most days thinking and that's not a great place for me.

I wish you well on your recovery! If you want to chat feel free to message me. Speaking of, I've had similar experiences on here. It's all these younger people who aren't interested in a conversation, they just want to vent. Two have PM me and then they never respond. Why bother?!

 

[qtk5436]

I'm in a weirdly similar spot, besides the age part. No family or friends, online never goes well, and the only people I've had conversations with for months have to deal with me, not a choice. I also understand not really wanting to die, just not wanting to live like this. I hope you find some people soon.