Venting I'm cutting again after a long time.

[Amandye13]

I can't handle my shit anymore. I am cutting right after I went to therapy and talked to my mom. I have absolutely no stable support in my life and everyone is pushing me away from what I believe is true. And how can I even trust myself, my values, my beliefs, my thoughts, my desires when I'm the fucked up one? I am so done, I so want to die. How immature and pathetic of me, but if I die I won't be thinking of this anymore so whatever. Everything about my existence is bad and wrong and I can't hadle it anymore. What is the point in pushing through a painful life? If life feels so bad and will forever be painful then what is the point? And what is the point of having to be rid of your pain and confusion in order to be lovable? Fuck this paradox shit. I can't suffer anymore I feel like I am burning in fire every day because of all my problems and I am all alone. I don't understand why I came here on Earth but I do know why I want to go. I wish I wasn't such a pussy about it. And I can't find a 100% way to do it. But I am definitely not staying for 50 extra years of this torture.

 

[Ghost2211]

Im sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. Did you look through the methods resource at the top of the forum?

 

[Heart Shards]

I feel you. Cutting is a bane of mine also. It feels good to glide a razor down a wrist or thigh, let all the pain, disappointment, anger, and people's bullshit drip in a bathroom sink with some bomb music in the background. I think it's the peaceful feeling it produces afterwards that makes it so addictive--it's a high of it's own. I've been clean for about two months (I don't want to worry my parents; they'll try to hospitalize me if I slice again, and they check my thighs, too.) I'm sorry to hear you're caught in the vicious cycle once again. I'm here if you ever want to talk; PM me if you'd like. *Hugs*

 

[Lilacmoon]

Self harm is always a comfortable escape. Like releasing a pressure valve. I am sorry you are goinf through that much pain... and I hope by posting here it helped relieve some of it for you. The lack of a 100% method scares me too. Here, hug?

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

Yesterday, I read some interesting posts by an user explaining why we ended up in this world. He basically said it was our choice and everything that is happening to us is EXACTLY what our true selves wanted.

Now you may say, "I'd never wish to have such a sh**y life" and that would make absolutely sense.
I'm a 90% atheist but that guy got me thinking and gave me some kind of hope.


Anyway, read carefully all the methods and I'm sure you'll find the most suitable for you. Wish you the best and I hope your pain stops soon.

 

[Amandye13]

Im sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. Did you look through the methods resource at the top of the forum?

I did look through some of them but they all seem either too painful or not 100% secure... or they are illegal.

I feel you. Cutting is a bane of mine also. It feels good to glide a razor down a wrist or thigh, let all the pain, disappointment, anger, and people's bullshit drip in a bathroom sink with some bomb music in the background. I think it's the peaceful feeling it produces afterwards that makes it so addictive--it's a high of it's own. I've been clean for about two months (I don't want to worry my parents; they'll try to hospitalize me if I slice again, and they check my thighs, too.) I'm sorry to hear you're caught in the vicious cycle once again. I'm here if you ever want to talk; PM me if you'd like. *Hugs*

It feels relaxing to feep warm blood dripping down. I love to slit my arms but then I can't hide the wounds and it's embarrassing to me.

 

[Ghost2211]

I did look through some of them but they all seem either too painful or not 100% secure... or they are illegal.

There aren't many perfect ways to die. It comes down to what each of us is able to tolerate easiest. I hope you're able to find what you're looking for.

 

[Amandye13]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

Yesterday, I read some interesting posts by an user explaining why we ended up in this world. He basically said it was our choice and everything that is happening to us is EXACTLY what our true selves wanted.

Now you may say, "I'd never wish to have such a sh**y life" and that would make absolutely sense.
I'm a 90% atheist but that guy got me thinking and gave me some kind of hope.


Anyway, read carefully all the methods and I'm sure you'll find the most suitable for you. Wish you the best and I hope your pain stops soon.

I know all about prebirth intentions and that's what makes it all more confusing to me. Who in their right mind would choose to experience my life? And why?? I don't understand why I am here and why I chose this, it just puts more pressure on me because if I ctb then I'll be back to finish the mission I didn't finish and learn the lesson I left behind. So these things are just more pressure to me.