Method I'm considering jumping off a rooftop I can not take it anymore

[Iwtbm1]

it's my first thread here
I've always considered ending my life because I have so much mental problems and zero self esteem that is worsen and I had few maniac episodes due to bipolar.
i live very far away from family or friends and it make it worse but it will be the same if i went back plus learning disabilities. even though i managed to have master degree because i stayed my whole life studying to avoid interaction , im fucked up in the head

im now considering jumping off a rooftop but when i have fear that i will chicken out and not do it, and that will make me in trouble ..
i am looking for suggestions about legal substances (maybe psycadelics or types of pot
or to take so i can be calm and not fear the jump ..
250' is enough to end it all
please help me
I want answers ...
can you help me with info about this method or posts here talking about it , because i cant use search option now

 

[doctordetritus]

Hello Iwtbm1. i am sorry that things are so inane and sucky. life gets two big thumbs down from me.

i would not recommended taking psychedelics for that. at all. the last time i crammed mushrooms into my face, i was trapped in a very convincing and truly intense hell realm. it was not great.

i dont really know anything about being bipolar, so im sorry i cannot really comment on that, but im reminded of one of my favorite comedians stephen fry. heres a thoughtful video of him speaking about having bipolar as well as suicide:

 

[Iwtbm1]

Thank you for replying
I never tried psychedelics and that's why I'm so afraid to do them..
What do you suggest for me to take to make me less afraid.
I'm diagnosed but never got treatment for a long.

 

[acey]

it's my first thread here
I've always considered ending my life because I have so much mental problems and zero self esteem that is worsen and I had few maniac episodes due to bipolar.
i live very far away from family or friends and it make it worse but it will be the same if i went back plus learning disabilities. even though i managed to have master degree because i stayed my whole life studying to avoid interaction , im fucked up in the head

im now considering jumping off a rooftop but when i have fear that i will chicken out and not do it, and that will make me in trouble ..
i am looking for suggestions about legal substances (maybe psycadelics or types of pot
or to take so i can be calm and not fear the jump ..
250' is enough to end it all
please help me
I want answers ...
can you help me with info about this method or posts here talking about it , because i cant use search option now

You sound a lot like me. If you want we could talk

 

[annointed_towers]

There's nothing you can take that will make you not afraid. Your fear and survival instinct are deeply ingrained.

 

[Iwtbm1]

You sound a lot like me. If you want we could talk

It's comforting to know this..
I'm new member so I'm not able to send message. Could you?

 

[movingvibes247]

Based on what you've said about yourself, psychedelics may be a hit or miss for you. The most important thing with psychedelics is set and setting. Right mindset, and right location.

Experimenting with them a few times before CTBing may give you insights to how you'll respond when actually CTBing with them, but even this is not 100% reliable because you can have a string of good psychedelic experiences, and one bad trip just hits you in the face. Also different psychedelics will produce different experiences so keep that in mind.

 

[Iwtbm1]

You sound a lot like me. If you want we could talk

It's comforting to know this..
I'm new member so I'm not able to send message

There's nothing you can take that will make you not afraid. Your fear and survival instinct are deeply ingrained.

There's nothing you can take that will make you not afraid. Your fear and survival instinct are deeply ingrained.

I'm afraid I can't do it and end up in jail or mental institute because I have no one here

 

[acey]

It's comforting to know this..
I'm new member so I'm not able to send message. Could you?

Oh no, I think I can't yet :( that's upsetting

 

[Iwtbm1]

Oh no, I think I can't yet :( that's upsetting

I know
I can chat on telegram if you like

 

[acey]

I know
I can chat on telegram if you like

Sure, what's your @?

 

[Iwtbm1]

Sure, what's your @?

apwti81

 

[frost_]

Hello Iwtbm1. i am sorry that things are so inane and sucky. life gets two big thumbs down from me.

i would not recommended taking psychedelics for that. at all. the last time i crammed mushrooms into my face, i was trapped in a very convincing and truly intense hell realm. it was not great.

i dont really know anything about being bipolar, so im sorry i cannot really comment on that, but im reminded of one of my favorite comedians stephen fry. heres a thoughtful video of him speaking about having bipolar as well as suicide:

I'm curious, are you able to share a little bit about what that intense experience was like? If it's too off topic or personal or traumatizing sorry and never mind. I've never done mushrooms.

 

[doctordetritus]

Thank you for replying
I never tried psychedelics and that's why I'm so afraid to do them..
What do you suggest for me to take to make me less afraid.
I'm diagnosed but never got treatment for a long.

oh man. i wish i knew the answer to what drug would flatten any feelings of si. id be snorting, injecting and dropping that shit into my eyes. maybe even experimenting with enemas.

@morningvibes247 made a lot of solid points about mushrooms, to the point where i felt stupid for not mentioning them. im actually a big fan of the damn things, including my trip to the hell realm. but again, not a good idea for the situation you were mentioning.

one other thing i forgot to add is that if you do want to experiment with them in another setting, the dose matters. the times ive taken an eighth ive had fairly chill hallucinations. lines wavering, colors popping. nothing too intense. 5 grams however, is the dose where i very nearly lost my mind. so if you're interested to try them, maybe start out with half an eighth even.

did you feel like the treatment was helping at all, even if it was short?

 

[doctordetritus]

I'm curious, are you able to share a little bit about what that intense experience was like? If it's too off topic or personal or traumatizing sorry and never mind. I've never done mushrooms.

so this first part is going to sound super lame, but words cannot truly capture what i experienced that night. only an impoverished retelling.

ive only done mushrooms a handful of times. always an eighth. always fun. nothing too intense. vivid colors, wavering lines, movements having a low frame rate. and then one day i thought id up the dosage. ended up taking roughly 5 grams. didnt even look up what the difference in dosage would mean. like an idiot.

im off to see a show, in a not good part of town, swallow what i brought right before i get into the security line, and take my seat. many people vomit while on shrooms but thats never been an issue for me. maybe thats my superpower? 15 minutes or so later, i look up at the ceiling and start to see the tiles above me lose shape and reform into other patterns. and i think "cool, this is EXACTLY what i signed up for." later a lady comes on stage and i start to get frightened. something is off. things take on a hellish hue. i cant really understand what she is saying but the audience starts to laugh, like excessively so, and i start to think, "uh oh, this is NOT what i signed up for." i text my ex, because i can feel things getting really intense, and i let him know i fucked up big time, can he come and get me. i manage to send the message but then the keyboard letters start to float away and all turn to n's. a zebra also starts moving across my phone. i put it away.

and over the next two hours i am in and out of consciousness. i felt like i was slipping away. i desperately tried to hold on to a few personal things to sort of ground myself. like where i was, who i was seeing, remembering the people i love. but its not working. the audience faces look freaky af, and i felt like i would never leave this theatre. i start to wonder if maybe im dying, or in a coma, strapped to some gurney somewhere. maybe the mushrooms were poisonous.

ex somehow manages to find me and at this point i start to really come back to myself. i explain to him what happened. and he laughs good-naturedly. as well he should.