I'm Back

[LighthouseHermit]

I saw my psychiatrist today, and she helped me understand my feelings about feeling hated by everyone and never belonging anywhere. According to her, I suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder. Because of my past with people around me making me always feel worthless, that caused trauma and that disorder as a result.

Unfortunately, I'm also taking a new pain medication, which doesn't go well together with my current medication. The result is that my negative feelings and thoughts have been much worse, to the point of a mental breakdown. Am off that medication now, and hopefully things will get better soon.

Hope to be back to my regular self soon.

I'm sorry if my behavior seems strange or bad, and I sincerely apologize for my behavior.



Also, a big thank you to all the people that sent me messages and likes. You know who you are. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

 

[darksouls]

welcome back

 

[LighthouseHermit]

welcome back

Thank you very much

You are a ray of sunshine, even though your life has been incredibly hard. I admire that.

All I wish is for people to not feel like me. I hope my presence adds something to this place. Even if I brighten the day of a single person, it was worth it.

Have learned today that not everyone will like me, but I am what I am, and if anyone doesn't like that, they don't belong in my life. The problem lies with them, not with me.

 

[westerly_merlin]

Welcome back

 

[LighthouseHermit]

Welcome back

Thank you, my friend

 

[The Morningstar]

Water under the bridge, buddy. I've done a lot of apologizing on this forum as well. You are in good company.

 

[dissociation]

No need to apologize, we understand. Welcome back.

 

[slitwristsbleedcold]

I don't know you, but ily already, muah

 

[LighthouseHermit]

Thank you all for the kind words

Already feeling better today (probably placebo effect ).

 

[Galahad]

I saw my psychiatrist today, and she helped me understand my feelings about feeling hated by everyone and never belonging anywhere. According to her, I suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder. Because of my past with people around me making me always feel worthless, that caused trauma and that disorder as a result.

Unfortunately, I'm also taking a new pain medication, which doesn't go well together with my current medication. The result is that my negative feelings and thoughts have been much worse, to the point of a mental breakdown. Am off that medication now, and hopefully things will get better soon.

Hope to be back to my regular self soon.

I'm sorry if my behavior seems strange or bad, and I sincerely apologize for my behavior.

View attachment 181148

Also, a big thank you to all the people that sent me messages and likes. You know who you are. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Welcome back, you don't have to apologise for being who you are.

This is absolutely one place where you can be yourself, come and go.

I sometimes don't visit for months, then I'm here all the while, then disappear again. I feel comfortable doing that.

Take care

 

[MissAbyss]

Welcome back

 

[LighthouseHermit]

One thing I am incredibly ashamed of is that my trauma has caused delusions. Whenever everything becomes too much, my body and mind go into survival mode. I then push everyone away and think everyone is out to hurt me and doing it on purpose. Explaining this to people is hard and people don't take you seriously anymore. You're essentially crazy to them. I say things I don't mean at all, hurtful things, and that damages relationships. It's already hard for me to make friends, but one episode destroys most friendships. In the end, why even try? Trauma destroyed the past, and it also destroys the future. Can beg for forgiveness, explain it all, but most people don't want to understand.

 

[MyShadow]

One thing I am incredibly ashamed of is that my trauma has caused delusions. Whenever everything becomes too much, my body and mind go into survival mode. I then push everyone away and think everyone is out to hurt me and doing it on purpose. Explaining this to people is hard and people don't take you seriously anymore. You're essentially crazy to them. I say things I don't mean at all, hurtful things, and that damages relationships. It's already hard for me to make friends, but one episode destroys most friendships. In the end, why even try? Trauma destroyed the past, and it also destroys the future. Can beg for forgiveness, explain it all, but most people don't want to understand.

I am sorry that you are experiencing this and I empathize. My trauma forces me to isolate and hide from people because I don't know how to interact with them.

Welcome back. Your wisdom, compassion, support in your posts and responses here is appreciated and necessary.

 

[LighthouseHermit]

I am sorry that you are experiencing this and I empathize. My trauma forces me to isolate and hide from people because I don't know how to interact with them.

Welcome back. Your wisdom, compassion, support in your posts and responses here is appreciated and necessary.

Thank you very much. I appreciate that immensely

To be honest, I've never been in an accepting community like this before. Thank you so much for all the support and understanding

 

[MyShadow]

Thank you very much. I appreciate that immensely

To be honest, I've never been in an accepting community like this before. Thank you so much for all the support and understanding

From my observation, you're receiving from the community what you have contributed to the community.