Venting I'm always fucking up because I assume I'll be gone soon. And I'm never gone

[I need peace]

Since I was like 12/13 I always feel like my time is ending so I don't care much about anything, and I'm always making bad decisions because of that, I'm at a point where I feel like I have no other choice but to ctb because of all the stupid shit I've made of my life assuming I'd have the courage to ctb sooner. I'm just venting because SS is the only place I feel safe to say what I feel at the moment, I just feel so trapped in life and out of it at the same time, it's all so complex, I've never gave anything much thought, now I overthink everything, I just wish I'd stop thinking, I just wish I'd have peace, I don't know what I mean by that, I don't know if my choice is to ctb, but I know I don't feel at peace with my life and I probably never will, I'm sobbing right now for how wrong everything has gotten, I'm so stupid

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I know that it is hard to carry on when everything feels so hopeless. I just want peace as well, but I know that for me peace cannot exist in this life. I hope that you find relief from your suffering.

 

[Klophy]

I know exactly how you feel. I was 100% sure i was going to be gone before a certain age. It's coming up soon and i've been close but that's it, never went through with it.

Now i'm stuck here, with all the shit i've been through and my decisions on top of if. The guilt, shame, regret and whatever of it also doesn't help.

This place is a haven for venting. I hope you're able to find the peace you're looking for.

 

[Lost Magic]

I know the feeling

 

[splashofvanilla]

whenever i lost motivation and started thinking about suicide i made many stupid decisions, said many words and some words i never said now my actions haunt me and have joined the other thoughts in my head i just hope that the past doesnt make the future.