"If you died, I'd be crushed, but then I'd move on..."

[Spiny Lobster]

"Because that's how I'd honor your memory."

My brother said this to me when we weren't even talking about suicide. How am I supposed to take this?
How would you take this?

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It's what I wish everyone's response would be. The thought that my death could have lasting negative effects on those I love is the most troubling aspect of my plans. If I knew everyone would grieve for a short time and move on, I'd feel much better.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Its all I could ask for, I don't want people wasting their tears and grief on me. A lot of people know I'm suicidal (or atleast have been) and have done next to nothing to support me. Not that I asked them to. So why should they waste energy on me when I'm gone?

I think your brother saying that shows he cares a lot about you and also cares about your choice. How did it make you feel when he said this?

 

[Foreverever]

I'd be happy if someone told me that, I'd certainly feel less guilty about taking my own life. But I can understand why you'd be upset hearing this, everyone likes to think they mean a lot to other people.

 

[Meditation guide]

How am I supposed to take this?
How would you take this?

The way I take everything anyone says, like who cares. I realized that what people say at least half the time is just bile spilling out of their mouths and means zero. That's especially true if what they say is hurtful. I chalk it up to just being one more person I don't need to take seriously.

 

[lostangel]

I don't think he meant bad by saying that but unfortunately that is how I believe most people will react to our deaths.

 

[agentgeez]

This might sound rather odd, but I think actual love necessarily risks pain. It's easy to see why; if you love someone or something, you'll suffer when it's gone, right? But a lot of importance is placed on the idea of "being happy by yourself" and being able to get over people easily and such nowadays. I'm not saying you shouldn't strive for independence, I'm saying true safety and healthiness comes at the cost of strong love, since love comes with the risk of being without the thing or person that you love. Whether you choose healthiness or love is up to you. Now as to how this applies to your brother; his opinion on this is great for his happiness. Being able to move on means that he won't be burdened by the thought of your death. However, that of course means he is okay with, for the most part, 'forgetting' about you in day-to-day life, as that is what it means to move on. I'm not coming to any conclusions on whether that's right or wrong or 'selfish' or what-have-you, because that's just up to how you view things. He said it was to honour your memory; this implies that he thinks your wish for his happiness is above your wish to be remembered by him, which could also imply this is how he thinks about you, but it could also be a weak justification; I don't know anything about your relationship with your brother, though, so I'm just offering possibilities. Hopefully my thoughts on this topic were helpful.

 

[Dude1983]

I wouldnt care about him in the same way, and move on :D

 

[Deleted member 18655]

It's a tactic out of desperation. To shock you or show you that life goes on, perhaps. My mother said it to me when I was 14, in the nurse's office at school after my first attempt. She wouldn't remember it now and would be horrified if I reminded her. People try any angle when they don't know how else to reach you. Take it with a grain of salt IMHO.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

It depends on the tone of voice and the intent behind the statement. It could mean two different things depending on the delivery.

1. I love you and I respect your right to make decisions over the course your life should take. If you choose to ctb, I will be aggrieved but glad that you're finally at peace. This will help me move on.

2. I'm tired of dealing with your empty threats to commit suicide. Go ahead and do it already, I will be sad but as always, life will eventually get back to normal.

Obviously I hope he meant the former not the latter. If so, I would be glad to hear those words from a loved one.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Everyone will move on after your death. I have moved on after family and relatives have passed. The truth is, nobody will mourn you forever, just like you will not mourn anyone else forever. People grieve and move on.

 

[SoIntoYou]

"Because that's how I'd honor your memory."

My brother said this to me when we weren't even talking about suicide. How am I supposed to take this?
How would you take this?

That's actually how most people should feel about a suicide, especially parents.

 

[XYZ]

How would you take this?

I would take it as a sign of love and respect. Love because they would feel crushed. Respect because they value me enough not to bullshit me. Of course life will go on after me. Whether it be to honor me or not would not matter to me.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Good enough for me, not like I'll be around for any of that anyway

 

[muffin222]

I think it's a blunt, but honest assessment of how people react to suicide most of the time

 

[Spiny Lobster]

Its all I could ask for, I don't want people wasting their tears and grief on me. A lot of people know I'm suicidal (or atleast have been) and have done next to nothing to support me. Not that I asked them to. So why should they waste energy on me when I'm gone?

I think your brother saying that shows he cares a lot about you and also cares about your choice. How did it make you feel when he said this?

When he first told me, I just shouted back, "Good." I didn't know how else to respond and, as many people have said here, it's a good thing -- in a twisted way of course -- that my brother managed to detach himself from me like that.

It simultaneously makes things both easier and harder on me, because sure, my feelings have been hurt terribly. It'd be nice to think that people cared enough for me in life, yet are still able to live without me. At the same time, I got the impression that my brother doesn't care -- both in life and in death -- whether that was his intention or not.