Venting "If you die, I will too"

[homebound]

There's a couple people in my life who I've discussed my wishes to CTB and how I don't want to be alive anymore. One thing I hate more than anything is when they tell me "if you die, I'll die too." To me it feels like they want to guilt trip me into staying alive, but a part of me is afraid maybe they are serious. I feel very invalidated and unheard when someone says this to me, but is it my own fault for expressing how I feel to them? Do you have people in your life who says this to you? How does it make you feel? Do you take it as a serious threat or a guilt trip?

 

[thereandgone]

"Come on in--the water's fine!"
That's basically the attitude I would take because I view it as a permanent vacation.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

People said that to me too. I asked them to join me then. I have a feeling they were bluffing.

 

[glittergore]

My best friend, who has also dealt with suicidal ideation throughout her life, said this to me. I know she's not trying to guilt-trip me, but it makes me feel tremendously guilty anyway because I know how badly my death would affect her and that she would legitimately be a suicide risk. I still haven't figured out how much of that is my responsibility; do I stick around just because of her or do I exercise my own autonomy and do what is ultimately best for me?

I get why you feel unheard and invalidated, though.

 

[KiraComplex]

they wont. end of.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I feel very invalidated and unheard when someone says this to me, but is it my own fault for expressing how I feel to them?

My perspective is that we all are vulnerable, and it takes courage to step up and show that vulnerability. It is often necessary to expose vulnerability in order to get needs directly met. One may have an injury that necessitates going to a doctor, but the outcome is not in their control; they can end up cured and happy to have recovered, they can end up with a jerk who makes them somehow worse than when they came for help, or they can leave the doctor no better and no worse. In the case of the latter, hopefully there are other doctors and one can keep searching. What we can't control is how others will perceive our vulnerability and need, and how they either respond or react to it. It is on them.

If you know someone well to whom you are considering disclosing your vulnerability, then their consistent behaviors may give you a clue as to what response you can reasonably expect from them. This will help you discern who is more likely to be safe to expose your vulnerability to if you seek to receive acceptance of who you are and what you are experiencing, and if you're lucky, additional support in the form of a more helplful perspective or just a needed hug.

If their response is out of character, then you can ask them why this particular subject garnered that response, because it is something about them you did not know and it would be helplful to know, and may also be helpful for them to become aware of. A reaction usually comes from unawareness or filtering what they hear through a charged past experience. You can also use your discernment to decide if it's best to let the subject go with them because they're not someone to pursue it with; it will then be a subject that will be off limits in the relationship if it causes discord in an otherwise mutually beneficial relationship. It just can't go to that particular depth. If it changes how they relate to you moving forward, it was about them, and perhaps it was good that the crisis occurred to bring about a change, as the relationship could no longer meet your needs or theirs, and likely wasn't meeting them in the first place.

 

[Rue89]

My mom threatened that. I'm honestly not sure if she's serious. I had gotten over a lot of my guilt and decided that her actions are not my responsibility. Then I mentioned it here and was told by different people that if she does, it will be my fault and I'm selfish for still planning to ctb. So now I'm conflicted about whether it really will be or not. I guess I'll have to try to move past it or die with that guilt.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

A friend said that to me once. I told her I wanted to end my life and she said "I would blame myself and probably follow you" which made me feel like shit because no I don't want you to kill yourself because of me. Ultimately I don't care though, if people want to die because of me they can go ahead, there's a limit to how much I'm willing to delay suicide.