Discussion If you are suicidal should you pursue someone romantically?

[yume_]

So with valentine's day having passed i was thinking abt my love life ( non-existing ) and with the lack of experience i want to hear yall's opinion.
If you are suicidal should you pursue someone romantically?
I have been rejecting this idea, I just feel that it isn't fair for the other person to be having to take care of me and having to worry just because I'm suicidal. And the worst past is that I think that the right thing to do would be to tell them I'm suicidal beforehand, because entering an relationship and hiding/telling later just fells like tricking them into a problem they didn't sign up for. Telling someone is so scary specially because I haven't yet. Plus if i truly love them it would be better for them to date someone that is healthy and alike them.
I just think all this is too taxing for me lol.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I want to, but I don't think it's right. I don't want them to bear the responsibility nor the burdens of my problems. I get that that is what romantic partners are for, but this isn't some trivial issue. If, hypothetically, I was going to start dating someone, I would tell them from the beginning. I would say something like "Hey, before we go through with this, you should know that I have carried a lot of mental health problems with me for many years. I'm trying to work through them, and I hope that by entering this relationship you can help me through some of the tough times I may have. I know it's not your responsibility, and I won't burden you with it, but know that there may be times where I need to rely on you."

No idea if that's the right call since I've got no dating experience, but I'm a weirdo who always like to be upfront and honest with stuff like that. Better to get it out of the way now rather than it becoming a problem later. The purpose of a relationship is to help each other build a better life together, by uplifting each other, complimenting their strengths and filling in their weaknesses, and not to find a perfect partner, though unfortunately it seems most people think that it's the latter nowadays to the point where I've almost been convinced by everyone else that I'm the one with backward thinking.

 

[madwoman]

One of the many reasons I'm not dating. Also don't want an anchor but I am sad about it. Lots of people have baggage and mental health issues and still deserve love though

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

It sounds like you already answered your own question. If you're suicidal, that means you're pursuing death, no? Pursuing a relationships is going in the opposite direction.

 

[tasmaka]

Ive been suicidal for a long time, over a year ago I started dating someone. It definitely causes a few barriers socially, especially if they dont understand with the same knowledge. But if you wish to pursue recovery or advance to it, relationships are good. Only real bad thing, dont date someone with the same issues, more problems can come with it…

 

[sanctionedusage]

no

 

[eggsausagerice]

no

 

[yume_]

It sounds like you already answered your own question. If you're suicidal, that means you're pursuing death, no? Pursuing a relationships is going in the opposite direction.

Well, it's that im kinda suicidal. I am trying to recover and the idea to cut off relationships seems to be against recovering? Idk if a relationship would help me recover or just make it worse. Actually if a relationship ends i fear I'm going to be at my worst state mentally. It's that deep down I want to experience love, but I do understand your point of view and that's what i have been following.

 

[DeathWish3301]

Well, it's that im kinda suicidal. I am trying to recover and the idea to cut off relationships seems to be against recovering? Idk if a relationship would help me recover or just make it worse. Actually if a relationship ends i fear I'm going to be at my worst state mentally. It's that deep down I want to experience love, but I do understand your point of view and that's what i have been following.

You've answered a few of your own questions, whether you realize it or not.

Cutting of relationships is antithetical to helping yourself. Humans are social creatures.

You are going to be dependent on someone else to be happy. This will inevitably crush you if the relationship ends.

You've probably heard it before and it could be considered cliché -- But you want someone to love you because you don't love yourself.

And if you do decide to date, you'll very likely attract someone in a similar state, which would be detrimental to both parties.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Well, it's that im kinda suicidal. I am trying to recover and the idea to cut off relationships seems to be against recovering? Idk if a relationship would help me recover or just make it worse. Actually if a relationship ends i fear I'm going to be at my worst state mentally. It's that deep down I want to experience love, but I do understand your point of view and that's what i have been following.

That's like being kinda pregnant. Are you, or aren't you? Two opposite paths. If you want to experience love (which means you also want to give love), that's the opposite of wanting death. If you get into a relationship when you "kinda" want death, you won't have very much to offer, and you won't be able to receive much in return either (which sounds like a sad situation not worth getting into).

 

[glitterpvppy]

They would prob keep me alive

 

[Dumbass]

No. Was dating someone for a while (I put off confessing for around a year because of this exact issue) and getting romantically involved (while you're not at least working on recovery) will not work out and will be heavily taxing for both of you.

 

[violetforever]

You've answered a few of your own questions, whether you realize it or not.

Cutting of relationships is antithetical to helping yourself. Humans are social creatures.

You are going to be dependent on someone else to be happy. This will inevitably crush you if the relationship ends.

You've probably heard it before and it could be considered cliché -- But you want someone to love you because you don't love yourself.

And if you do decide to date, you'll very likely attract someone in a similar state, which would be detrimental to both parties.

yeah these are all great points. i feel like i needed to read this too lol. thx.

 

[vascomorrow]

So with valentine's day having passed i was thinking abt my love life ( non-existing ) and with the lack of experience i want to hear yall's opinion.
If you are suicidal should you pursue someone romantically?
I have been rejecting this idea, I just feel that it isn't fair for the other person to be having to take care of me and having to worry just because I'm suicidal. And the worst past is that I think that the right thing to do would be to tell them I'm suicidal beforehand, because entering an relationship and hiding/telling later just fells like tricking them into a problem they didn't sign up for. Telling someone is so scary specially because I haven't yet. Plus if i truly love them it would be better for them to date someone that is healthy and alike them.
I just think all this is too taxing for me lol.

I think it matters what your long term goals are. If you are trying to recover and work towards a better life, then date.

If you are suicidal I would say wait until youre in a better spot, after starting your recovery.
Sometimes relationship drama could be really nasty..

in my opinion.

 

[emptymiku]

i wish i could tell him how much i love him.

but the rational side of me knows that he doesn't deserve to have to deal with me, he wouldn't feel the same, and that i'm not worth having in the first place.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think actively pursuing someone isn't very fair. I suppose more sociable people are at higher odds of meeting someone naturally. In that case- if they really feel a connection- that's maybe not something they can entirely control. Even for someone suicidal, If they have longed for friendship or romance in the past, it's bound to feel exciting to have met the person that could be the one.

I tend to agree with you though. I feel like closer relationships we have, have the right to know we are suicidal. Then- I feel like it can be up to them whether they want to bear that risk.

I also feel similarly- that I haven't looked for any kind of closer relationship or friendship for a few years because- I don't want to create more tethers here that I feel beholden to.

It's a bit of a gamble in a way too- believing that love or friendship could 'save' us. What if it doesn't? Will we then feel comfortable inflicting suicidal mourning on them? I don't think I would feel comfortable doing that. So- for me- seeking out new connections would seem like laying a trap for myself and walking straight into it.

 

[Afterglow]

My thought process about it is this:

I'm still human, and I still deserve to love and be loved, regardless of whatever the future looks like for me.

Struggling with suicidal ideation doesn't make me less of a person. It doesn't cancel out my ability to care about someone or to want closeness.

Why not live like a person? Why be forced to live as a problem that needs to be solved first? As someone who has to wait until they're "better" before they're allowed to participate in something as normal as love?


If my mind isn't always kind to me, does that mean I'm supposed to deny myself every good thing in the meantime as well?

 

[SASU-KE]

Definitely not. In my opinion, you need to be normal before you can get into a relationship. When have you ever heard of a suicidal person doing well in a relationship?

People are suicidal because they bear too much of a burden in life. A relationship is a terrible burden and stressor on top of that, so how do you think it will go?

 

[singingcrow]

I think it's best not to but it depends how suicidal you are. if you can see yourself maybe growing old one day with them… go for it!!

 

[Cyc]

They would prob keep me alive

I don't think depending on one person emotionally to keep you alive is a good idea. I've done that in the past and it's ended in a lot of heartbreak and mental distress. Also it's unfair on the other person - everyone should be living for themselves and not be responsible for someone else's life as well. Humans are inherently selfish creatures, at the end of the day in most situations we'll try to put ourselves and our needs first. Depending on someone to keep you alive won't work out on the long run

To answer the main question though, I wouldn't unless they're suicidal as well and were interested in ctbing together with me. Not everyone is equipped to deal with suicidal thoughts as everyone has their own challenges, no matter how big or small they are. Also if you do end up ctbing in a relationship it'll inevitably take a toll on your partner which could've easily been avoided if you never got together in the first place

 

[Scythe]

Actively suicidal, no, like if you got plans or are researching or it's always on your mind. No. In fact if your set date is close it's best to not make new friends either. It's best to lessen the impact and suffering caused by your death.

And things like this should be out in the open, if it's risky/you don't want to be transparent. It's best to not get close to anyone new. The people you want a deeper connection with should know the special circumstances of the connection and make an informed decision whether they want to connect.

It is always okay to find someone from SS though, they know what they signed up for.