I'd rather attempt impulsively than stay

[Deleted member 17949]

I'm so sick of being alive. At this point I'm tempted to just catapult myself in front of a fast moving truck or jump in front of a train. I can't stand torturing myself by not getting things ready for suicide and then having to keep living longer. I just wanna die, life sucks.

 

[nerve]

Sometimes I feel this way. Like you hear about people starting a new medication and it throws them into complete psychosis or whatever and they end up seriously hurting themselves. I get kind of jealous. Something else made the decision for them.

 

[all_pointless]

Look can you get your hands on sn?
If so start with that. Also pm me if you want.

 

[Sensei]

I'm very conflicted about this. I think the decision to commit suicide should be thoroughly thought through and executed when in a balanced and rational mind. On the other hand, my attempts have been completely spontaneous and I periodically struggle with strong suicidial impulses. However, I believe my bipolar disorder with its "built-in" suicidiality is to blame, so I don't think I'm a hypocrite.

Please consider another suicide method than jumping in front of a truck or a train. It traumatizes the drivers and they sometimes develop PTSD. I don't think they deserve that.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Me too.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Sometimes I feel this way. Like you hear about people starting a new medication and it throws them into complete psychosis or whatever and they end up seriously hurting themselves. I get kind of jealous. Something else made the decision for them.

I'm counting on the fact that one of these emotional breakdowns will hit hard enough to make me kill myself

Look can you get your hands on sn?
If so start with that. Also pm me if you want.

I'm not using SN, I just need to order a rope for my method but I've kept delaying it

I'm very conflicted about this. I think the decision to commit suicide should be thoroughly thought through and executed when in a balanced and rational mind. On the other hand, my attempts have been completely spontaneous and I periodically struggle with strong suicidial impulses. However, I believe my bipolar disorder with its "built-in" suicidiality is to blame, so I don't think I'm a hypocrite.

Please consider another suicide method than jumping in front of a truck or a train. It traumatizes the drivers and they sometimes develop PTSD. I don't think they deserve that.

I'm pretty sure I'll end up using the method I've planned in the end, I'm just so frustrated it drives me crazy

 

[Deleted member 19817]

I've been feeling like this lately. The impulse to throw the plan out the window and just do it. I try to fight the impulse by reminding myself I have a plan and that being impulsive is more likely to result in a failure of some kind. It hurts though.

 

[Pineapplecrown]

Sending truck load of hugs to your address cryptic love you always n miss you lots

 

[lostangel]

Sometimes I feel like that. Like grabbing a knife and stabbing my heart in the heat of the moment. I'm sorry you're struggling.

 

[mayHeCurseUsAll]

I am starting to believe that there is no such thing as a totally reasoned and rational decision of any kind. From this perspective every decision ever made is only contingent on weighing a certain number of ramifications associated with moves you could think of to make at a certain time, but the exact number of considerations that lead up to a decision and how much longer you should wait to think of new considerations is different for everyone and at what number can we say the decision becomes reasonable or rational or well thought out for a person is totally incalculable to the person himself or anyone else, from an utterly fatalistic perspective everything is predetermined anyway so the illusion of conscious choice is nothing but that. It's all arbitrary what we want to consider well thought out or not, everyone makes a decision to keep living for a certain period of time and therefore everybody makes a decision to die at or beyond a certain time. Some decide sooner some decide later.

 

[HappyMstake]

That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. I'm deathly terrified of heights but every now and then I just wanna jump off the nearest bridge I can find.

 

[rhiino]

When my time has come I do not care if it is impulsively or not. I have already thought it out well and I know for sure that I want to die. Why should it be a problem then when I am only able to do it impulsively?
In my mind, as long as the wish to be dead is not impulsive but long lasting and severe it does not matter how it is carried out in the end.

 

[mayHeCurseUsAll]

When my time has come I do not care if it is impulsively or not. I have already thought it out well and I know for sure that I want to die. Why should it be a problem then when I am only able to do it impulsively?
In my mind, as long as the wish to be dead is not impulsive but long lasting and severe it does not matter how it is carried out in the end.

Well said. I wanted to articulate this in my post but couldn't find these words. Unless you have your entire family and everybody who loves you in attendance at some sort of death reception leading up to when you drink nembutal away from all of them and everyone who knows or loves you is in agreement that it is the right decision a suicide that doesn't occur in fairy tale land is going to be impulsive in some capacity and is going to affect someone unknowingly in some capacity.

 

[TAW122]

I feel ya. I entertained this thought before, but the rational part of me would not wish to go this way because it leaves too much room for error and/or mistakes. If I am absolutely going to go, I am going in a calm, certain manner, and to make sure I'm absolutely ready and have everything just right (or as close to ideal as possible) before attempting.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I'm so sick of being alive. At this point I'm tempted to just catapult myself in front of a fast moving truck or jump in front of a train. I can't stand torturing myself by not getting things ready for suicide and then having to keep living longer. I just wanna die, life sucks.

God I feel this. But I am too chicken to suicide :(

 

[Deleted member 17949]

God I feel this. But I am too chicken to suicide :(

Feels bad man, I'm so scared and indecisive it makes living well impossible but also makes dying hard.

 

[mayHeCurseUsAll]

I feel ya. I entertained this thought before, but the rational part of me would not wish to go this way because it leaves too much room for error and/or mistakes. If I am absolutely going to go, I am going in a calm, certain manner, and to make sure I'm absolutely ready and have everything just right (or as close to ideal as possible) before attempting.

What is an error/mistake in this context? A failed attempt? Or do you mean you want to minimise possible to foresee collateral damage?

 

[Reiraku]

The only thing keeping me from impulsively catching the bus is that I still have money. Not much, but I always thought that I would spend all my money before I die. You know, trying to live like a king for a while, eating out every day, buying clothes and other things I like without caring too much about the price, maybe even take a small trip someplace nice. I'd like to do that, since I can't spend it once I'm dead and I sure as hell won't just leave it behind. So I won't CTB on a whim, at least not until I'm destitute.

 

[Alucard]

I wish I wasn't...

 

[Living sucks]

There is no other way for me.. have a method but panic just thinking about it. Can't plan .. just gonna have to do it when I'm fully insane from my situation.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yep I get this. I know if I don't do it "impulsively" (as in when something pushes me over the edge) I'll sit in limbo hell forever. I have been suicidal for years my version of impulsive is just spur of the moment because as you can see from my join date I just linger and linger in misery On days I'm pushed over edge and I was so ready and at peace to ctb I had forgotten to bring my method with me....I'm carrying it in my purse now I guess.

 

[I screwed up]

I'm so sick of being alive. At this point I'm tempted to just catapult myself in front of a fast moving truck or jump in front of a train. I can't stand torturing myself by not getting things ready for suicide and then having to keep living longer. I just wanna die, life sucks.

Exactly my feelings ... Wish some one could just kill me