Venting I wish there was an easier way out

[abyssiniancat]

I think the biggest difficulty in me achieving an attempt is that I live with my parents who unfortunately know about my suicidal tendencies. I basically have no privacy, no alone time. After researching here and reading other sources, SN would probably be a good way out if I could order it, but I'm pretty sure I'd get police checks (i read an article saying that it should be a more controlled substance now after some people used it to cbt). Though I have found some sites selling it my country, I'm pretty sure they're only for laboratory/industrial use. Regarding the other meds needed, I only have benzos prescribed by my psych, which I used short-term after a psychotic episode. My ideal way would be using some powerful drugs/meds combined but sadly, access to those is difficult. I also thought of hypoxic blackout/shallow water blackout, but I'm not a trained swimmer and apparently it's more common to achieve accidentally if you do swimming sports. Although I'd be willing to give it a try. I just have no hope anymore, I'm desperate and mainly, I have no freedom in this house.

 

[painfully]

What causes you pain? Why do you want to die?

You can try to search for websites that sell it, there is a chance that someone sells it for individuals.

 

[Hollowman]

There are easier ways do some research.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

Easy is quite a loaded term. I'm finding that it's not so much method as it is the willingness to seriously go through with it. Someone can actually have a "pain free" suicide pill (literally) and still blame their SI. Kate Spade caught the bus with a scarf from a doorknob. Robin Williams used a belt. One needs to do honest inflection and gain clarity on whether or not they seriously want to do it. Life sucking isn't enough to make someone seriously go through with it. That may make someone talk about or consider it. However, the nerve and tranquility to see it through make it easy, no matter the method.

 

[itwillhappensoon]

For me it seems I'm not desperate or depressed enough to do it , a while ago I watched a 12 year old girl do it with a thin rope tied to a tree and she succeeded, I tried partial hanging 4 times thinking it would be peaceful death but after few seconds my SI kicks in , I've never tried full suspension before, maybe next time when I'm alone and I have a chance to do it it will be successful

 

[FuneralCry]

I do as well wish it's easier, I always suffer so much from how I cannot just peacefully cease existing and never suffer ever again as all I wish for is to cease existing, I see so much cruelty in how it's so difficult to be permanently free from this existence, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[darksouls]

I am very sorry that you are feeling so bad
hope you find the freedom you are looking for