Venting I wish the amount of hatred I feel towards myself could kill me

[alstroemeria55]

I can't stand myself anymore there must be good reason why I'm alone and everyone leaves me and nobody even wants to get close to me. I'm a shit human being that has absolutely nothing good to offer and I hate living and I hate society. I'm losing my mind I want to crack my own skull and rip myself into pieces so much for a fucking new year.
I will always be alone and I fucking deserve it. Nobody deserves to have to deal with me. I need to be destroyed, absolutely annihilated. I should have the worst things possible be done to me. I should be tortured to death. Anything will be better than existing in this body and this broken fucked up irredeemable mind. I deserve the worst.

 

[alstroemeria55]

I'm so broken in every possible way. I deserved to be neglected abused and raped and abandoned. I must be such a horrible useless human being to deserve all of that. I must deserve to go through all of this and have nobody give a shit about me to finally push me over the edge and make me leave this world. I want to be convinced further that I should die already. I need to be convinced so that I have the courage to kms. I deserve absolutely nothing good and no future. I'm a burden to others and especially myself. There's no hope and no help for me anymore.
I don't know what kind of cruel fucking god made me this way, made me exist in this world. I hate living. I hate being myself. I'm so fucked I can't even get attention or friends from a site that's full of people just like me. I'm fucking pathetic lmao
Miserable disgusting pathetic worthless piece of shit unworthy of happiness unworthy of friends unworthy of a life unworthy of joy or personal fulfilment
I'm so fucking sick of existing why didn't I shoot myself in the military when I had the chance
I want to destroy myself bash my head in slit my throat and bleed out on the floor I can't take this life anymore I can't take the pain