I wish everything could be better...

[Olach]

In my early 15's I went to Italy seeking better education. I was pretty fat, ignorant and stupid kid. With time I've developed my intelligence and physique. In my 17's I had started to work and study but failed with both, so I decided to leave my work. At 19 I tried again to work, study, doing gym 6 times a week and survived for 9 months with this schedule. During my 20's I've developed anorexia and then bulimia. Then, desperate, I attempted suicide by paracetamol poisoning ( what a stupid thing) and went to psych ward for 3 months. Because of medications and " imprisonment", I lost my ability to study, gained a lot of weight, developed severe eating disorder and lost an another job, lost university.
Now I'm just wondering how long can I survive before my next attempt with SN. Thank you for reading.
Eventually, if you have some thoughts about my situation, please write them in reply.

 

[brighter]

I think you were pretty resilient to have gotten over failing to juggle the study and work. You made a gym and work plan and you stuck to it.
What happened next was horrible and I wish you strength to deal with it, either to find a solution or failing that, to be able to end this in a peaceful way with dignity.

 

[Olach]

Thank you @brighter, I would rather finish it all than try an another time

 

[brighter]

Thank you @brighter, I would rather finish it all than try an another time

So are you planning to attempt again soon?
I would advise to be careful this time so as not to get caught and succeed.
Maybe read through the threads concerning the SN method. There are plenty and it would be useful in making an effective plan.

 

[Roberto]

In my early 15's I went to Italy seeking better education. I was pretty fat, ignorant and stupid kid. With time I've developed my intelligence and physique. In my 17's I had started to work and study but failed with both, so I decided to leave my work. At 19 I tried again to work, study, doing gym 6 times a week and survived for 9 months with this schedule. During my 20's I've developed anorexia and then bulimia. Then, desperate, I attempted suicide by paracetamol poisoning ( what a stupid thing) and went to psych ward for 3 months. Because of medications and " imprisonment", I lost my ability to study, gained a lot of weight, developed severe eating disorder and lost an another job, lost university.
Now I'm just wondering how long can I survive before my next attempt with SN. Thank you for reading.
Eventually, if you have some thoughts about my situation, please write them in reply.

I accept who you are. I love who you are. Forgive yourself. You are lovely.

 

[Olach]

Wright now I'm fuckin' afreid of what comes after the death. Scared of punishment for my ctbing. But, in same time, I can't continue with life

 

[Olach]

Last 3 months I was spending my money for useless shit, just to distract myself from decisions. But now I'm faced with even more fear

 

[Youthanasia]

Personally I don't care about what comes after. As far as I can tell, nothing happens, and if something does and I happen to meet one of these entities humans like to worship I can make my case.

I hope you find something that works for you. We're temporary, but our legacy isn't. Maybe do something related to that. It's what I value the most regarding my departure.