Tomorrow (26th July) was supposed to be my graduation. But I had to resit my second year because of mental health issues. Except, I don't think it was anything I couldn't overcome without support. So really, it was a lack of help, a lack of anybody being there for me, that meant I couldn't complete the year, had to retake this year, and am not graduating tomorrow with my friends.
At the time it just felt like I was staring into the abyss. I crawled my way out, alone, but nothing will ever make it not hurt that I did it alone and that nobody heard me.
I kept it from my parents until today. I couldn't face telling them until today, the day before they thought I was graduating. I couldn't handle the disappointment and sadness in their eyes. My mum cried. I didn't know if it was for me or herself. But hear I am, again, wondering what it's all for. What exactly am I going on for? Why did I bother even coming back to do the second year again. All I've learnt is that I don't matter, my hopes and dreams don't matter, and that I cause my family endless pain. I wanted to finally be a source of happiness, but I couldn't do that.
At the time it just felt like I was staring into the abyss. I crawled my way out, alone, but nothing will ever make it not hurt that I did it alone and that nobody heard me.
I kept it from my parents until today. I couldn't face telling them until today, the day before they thought I was graduating. I couldn't handle the disappointment and sadness in their eyes. My mum cried. I didn't know if it was for me or herself. But hear I am, again, wondering what it's all for. What exactly am I going on for? Why did I bother even coming back to do the second year again. All I've learnt is that I don't matter, my hopes and dreams don't matter, and that I cause my family endless pain. I wanted to finally be a source of happiness, but I couldn't do that.
