Venting I was cursed from the start

[erdbeeren]

First thing's first, I am a human. Based on science's current knowledge of the universe, the probability of being born a human is so tiny that it's incomprehensible. The chances of any of us being born as the worst species, living in this society for years upon years, and facing all of the circumstances of life is basically none. Yet it still happened. It's still happening.

Secondly, I likely have some sort of undiagnosed mental issue. Navigating the world like this is so exhausting and not even worth the effort.

Thirdly, I'm a non white person living in the us. So much is going against me and there's essentially nothing I can do to change it in any way.

I don't live in the best town, and no one cares about my safety concerns. It's not possible for me to move atm and I don't even have a driver's license.

One of the most common arguments against ctb is that one's family and "friends" will miss them. Sure, I guess they'll be sad that a person died, but that doesn't change the fact that they didn't give a shit while I was alive. My parents are extremely lgbt-phobic (trans people especially), ableist, and xenophobic. They shame me for things I cannot control and show noting but apathy when what I need is love.

They don't care and never did. If their unconditional love somehow exists, I wouldn't be here and suffering!

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be very horrible being alive. More than anything I wish I was never born. Many people are disadvantaged right from the start through no fault of their own. It is all very unfair. Some people can be very cruel and selfish, nobody should be treated like that. I wish you the best.