Venting I wanted to wait until October

[plsimnotokay]

I've been a lurker on this site for a while before joining. I just want to say how thankful I am for this site. It's a place I find comfort in and don't feel so alone. I'm 25 and this is the year I'll finally CTB. I don't feel as scared as I used to and even if I do get scared sometimes, the pain I feel is too hard to endure. I have BPD, PTSD, Bipolar, depression, and anxiety. I am on so many medications and I hate it. I can never sleep so I'm tired all the time and my mind races. When I do sleep it's nightmare after nightmare reliving my childhood horrors. It is such hell inside my mind. My mom tried to suffocate me in my sleep numerous times when I was a child and was an alcoholic who constantly tried to stab me with a knife whenever she was drunk. They divorced. My dad molested me since I was 4 until 8 when my stepmom caught him but never did anything about it. My stepbrother also molested me. I now have a boyfriend who is abusive but I can't leave because I live with him and he won't let me leave. He threatens me. I wanted to wait until October to CTB because it's my favorite month. I love Halloween and pumpkins. But I don't think I can hold on much longer. I am also in so much debt from school and credit cards because of medical visits. I'm ready to leave this world. I just need to find one day to be alone but I'm not alone these days because of my last attempt. Thank you to anyone who reads this.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

What's your method?

 

[plsimnotokay]

What's your method?

I will be using SN Stan's guide

 

[xo777]

We have the same diagnoses it's a lot to deal with and a similar story i'm not saying I will ever fully understand what you went through but I can relate to a bit of what you said and I'm sorry for everything you went through. You didn't deserve the pain life caused and we're here to listen i'm glad you found some comfort in this site.

 

[plsimnotokay]

We have the same diagnoses it's a lot to deal with and a similar story i'm not saying I will ever fully understand what you went through but I can relate to a bit of what you said and I'm sorry for everything you went through. You didn't deserve the pain life caused and we're here to listen i'm glad you found some comfort in this site.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so sorry that you are in a similar boat. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I truly hope things get better for you.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you have had to endure and I'm sorry that you suffer so much. It is such a cruel and unfair world that we live in, and it is awful the way that some people treat others. I wish you relief from your pain in whatever you decide to do.

 

[September5th]

October sure is great. Second best month of last year for me. Damn, almost cried here remembering it hahaha!
Wish you well, my friend! October is a great choice.

 

[plsimnotokay]

That sounds so horrible what you have had to endure and I'm sorry that you suffer so much. It is such a cruel and unfair world that we live in, and it is awful the way that some people treat others. I wish you relief from your pain in whatever you decide to do.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post. I wish for relief soon too and the same for you!

October sure is great. Second best month of last year for me. Damn, almost cried here remembering it hahaha!
Wish you well, my friend! October is a great choice.

Thank you! October really is a great month! And I'm so glad you have happy memories related to the month!