I kind of get what you mean because I also always struggled to find people who I can actually have common topics with, I'm the kind of guy who would prefer to just skip the small talk and go straight into philisophical discussion lol. And just generally I don't like this surface-level conversations, I like debating for the sake of it and getting new knowledge on complex topics.
I am highly driven to people in general, I mean, people generally need social interactions to stay sane but I feel like one of those who need more of it. But I often felt too detached to actually form meaningful relationships and interactions felt forced and unsatisfying.
I feel like it's really hard to get into deeper conversation, even with people who would be willing to engage in it, in most standard social situations. Like when you meet someone in some casual situation, they will likely not reveal that part of themselves until you build deeper connection. Because people know it's usually not socially expected and their afraid off being judged for their actual views and complex thoughts - so they would rather just stick to talking about the weather. Well some people do not ever go into deeper topics, I realize that. What I mean is that the ones who would do it are often "hiding" by default. I met many people like that and I tend to do it myself, honestly.
I think it's much easier to start the topic you're interested in in any way, if the social circumstances are already circling somewhere around it. Setting determines the default subjects of conversations a lot of the time. Like for example when you meet someone at a library, the conversation will much quicker and more naturally jump towards literature than it would during a random party.
I mean you could also just skip the social games part and regardless of circumstances, ask that person if they are interested in subject X or what do they think of Y and you might hit the right spot. This just skims over the ambiguity and wondering "if this other person willing to talk about a specific subject". Of course first you need to have a subject/question to start with but it can break that initial wall and open up a way to more interesting things related more or less loosely to what you started with.
But yeah that's only if you're prepared to rejection and some weird looks lol. So if you want to avoid that it's better to stick to subject that are not completely out of place. Still the possibility of meeting a person who is willing to talk about some specific subject in the wild is never zero, and often higher that you probably imagine.
It's very silly but apparently social conventions are so engraved in many of us that they make most conversations way more superficial than they need to be. When I first started seeing one of my autistic friends do this, I mean jump straight into a deeper subject even if it's out of place, I was completely puzzled... To see how often it *does* work. Yes, even with people who appeared "uninteresting" at first. I do not have the courage to do it myself though (because well I care about what people think of me even if they're total strangers and their opinion will never have direct impact only anyway, but that's a me problem)
So it all very often depends on the environment you're in, communities you are involved in - whether irl or online. There are places where there's a higher chance of finding like-minded people. For me it was university, as I decently like my degree and since it's technically "useless" most people who study it are actually into this. I also met two of my best friends online through art community. I just got into discussions that focused not on me or the other person but mostly art and stories we created, and over time it just developed. Not saying it was "that easy" because I am aware that I had lots of luck in it. But I do think it is often a matter of the right environment, though of course for some people it's harder to find like-minded individuals than for others.
I hope you will be able to find your people, because I know what it's like when you feel lonely with the way your mind is and thinking you're unable to form relationships because of that... I hope what I said didn't sound too patronizing. It's just some observations.I had in this realm, which might give you some other perspective, but I do realize that I might be very biased and lucky.
Good luck and sending hugs!
