I want to let my life turn around but CTB is always on my mind

[jr331199]

I have a casting call for modeling this Saturday. I haven't indulged in any of my hobbies nor aspirations in a long time because I feel so depressed and full of anhedonia.

I have my rope perfectly ready to use and my method ready but I just can't stop putting it off when it's the right time every time I try. I don't want to wait around until others desperately try to make my life better because I have no will to.

But I have that small prayer inside of me things will turn around in a restful way.

My room is an absolute mess, even when I was depressed since a long time ago I never got it as bad as it is now because I like being tidy. The mess gives me a headache but I'm still hesitant to clean it up in order to get in the mood for auditions and jobs because my rope is right there ready to use and I still wish to CTB. I'd have to take it down from my closet if I have to clean up.

I don't know if I should give living a chance after so many failed times

 

[JamesMoonDerWater]

Oh boy, do i feel you... I too am on this. Although im not that ready yet seen as im still trying to buy my SN, i too am just as ready to end it all as im ready to take an oportunity to turn it all around.

Just like me im sure you have your very own specific reasons for all of it. My specific reason is that i cant accomplish my dreams of game dev in this life time, for a multitude of reasons. And even tho i understand its all lost for me, im still going on a game dev event this saturday.

What i meant to say is, why not go to your modelling cast call? Speaking personally, this event saturday is the literally last thing i'll try and do. And who knows what'll happen! If nothing happens, its not like it would be any different. If something does happen then i come on top. Note that im not really expecting anything, i learnt that expecting too much wont make your wishes come to reality, it just makes you really frustrated in the end...

I must say that dont know how important this casting is for you tho, but i do assume that it is. I do know that at some point even getting up from bed is a battle... I have missed some other dev events because of this too.

In the end, im just asking: why not give it a shot?
In any case i genuienly hope that you find better days soon ❤

 

[Alek1=]

I have a casting call for modeling this Saturday. I haven't indulged in any of my hobbies nor aspirations in a long time because I feel so depressed and full of anhedonia.

I have my rope perfectly ready to use and my method ready but I just can't stop putting it off when it's the right time every time I try. I don't want to wait around until others desperately try to make my life better because I have no will to.

But I have that small prayer inside of me things will turn around in a restful way.

My room is an absolute mess, even when I was depressed since a long time ago I never got it as bad as it is now because I like being tidy. The mess gives me a headache but I'm still hesitant to clean it up in order to get in the mood for auditions and jobs because my rope is right there ready to use and I still wish to CTB. I'd have to take it down from my closet if I have to clean up.

I don't know if I should give living a chance after so many failed times

I can relate, I fuck up, I no longer have motivation for my hobbies and I just dont have energy to clean my room or even myself (I look like my room lol). I will try one more time because im really optimistic but its soooo haaard. Id say try one more time with me. Tomorrow morning (or better yet - now) get up, clean, and just do the things you left for later. When you will be done youre gonna feel a bit better. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.