i want to leave, but i can’t

[abruptum]

i wanna go i really do, i'm ready and i've been ready, i've tried 3 times and really only been unsuccessful due to unfortunate events like strings breaking or power going out. but anyways it's crazy to say but for so long i've just been waiting to die and even putting myself in situations where i can easily be killed and yet nothing has worked yet. i've tried and i'm ready and i know there is gruesome guaranteed ways to do it but the only thing stopping me from those is the people who i can't leave. there's just too many people who rely on me staying alive for them. it's so hard to have the dynamic to be willing to die for someone , and get all they need it for you to live. like it's so wholesome but fuck me this shut is awful. them keeping me here is really caring because it gives me some sort of purpose, but also goddamn i have nothing for myself so my life is just shit and i can't go because of them.
kinda feel bad cause i know some people have nobody and i'm kinda just having an meaningless statement, but it's just alot rn and this sucks :(
-a;(

 

[Losteverythingtwice]

May I ask how did power going out stop the ctb?

 

[abruptum]

May I ask how did power going out stop the ctb?

well it was power and gas but i was using co poison

 

[PatheticCase]

i wanna go i really do, i'm ready and i've been ready, i've tried 3 times and really only been unsuccessful due to unfortunate events like strings breaking or power going out. but anyways it's crazy to say but for so long i've just been waiting to die and even putting myself in situations where i can easily be killed and yet nothing has worked yet. i've tried and i'm ready and i know there is gruesome guaranteed ways to do it but the only thing stopping me from those is the people who i can't leave. there's just too many people who rely on me staying alive for them. it's so hard to have the dynamic to be willing to die for someone , and get all they need it for you to live. like it's so wholesome but fuck me this shut is awful. them keeping me here is really caring because it gives me some sort of purpose, but also goddamn i have nothing for myself so my life is just shit and i can't go because of them.
kinda feel bad cause i know some people have nobody and i'm kinda just having an meaningless statement, but it's just alot rn and this sucks :(
-a;(

It's not a meaningless statement, but I get what you mean about the guilt of having people and still feeling like shit. Im on the same exact boat and honestly its the only thing thats kept me here this long. I hope you find some peace soon, whatever and wherever it may be.

 

[tiredplant777]

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I feel similar. I just can't hurt people I love who love me, mainly my family. I'm so sad and tired though. I feel totally trapped here.

 

[littlelungs]

I'm so sorry that you're suffering so badly. I can relate to the feeling of desperation and frustration of still being around, and being trapped in my sorry existence. In my case it's because I'm not done writing my notes yet because of how incredibly physically and mentally strenuous for me to do so, but I'm doing my absolute best with what little my body is giving me to work with, and I'm determined to try to make myself be heard one last time. It's incredibly painful to be so ready to go from a mental standpoint, yet be not ready from a logistical standpoint. I don't think what you said is a meaningless statement at all; it can be absolute hell to feel like you're trapped in life, regardless of what the reason(s) may be, and I really feel for you.

I hope that you'll someday be able to find the peace you deserve, no matter where or how you get it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Even know the thought of leaving others behind is not the thing holding me back, I understand not wanting to cause others pain. I'm sorry you are suffering. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Seafoam]

That's a tough situation. I hope you're able to figure things out. It's nice that you have people in your life that care about you, but I understand that can also be burdensome.