Venting I want to go so badly I can't stop thinking about it

[rotten]

Sorry if this is messy I can't really think straight rn.
Deep down I know I should be used to all the violence that happens in this house. But of course it never works out that way. She started her bullshit again yesterday and I seen her hit him with a variety of different objects. Then she grabbed the shotgun and they were struggling over it for a bit. I didn't bother getting out of the way because I wanted it to go off on me and I still do. Nothing will ever change, just because I wasn't the target this time means nothing. I feel sick at the sight of everything they do.
I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore. I've wasted years. My birthday is in a few weeks and I don't think I want to be around for it. I have three people I worry about hurting, my bf and my two friends. I know it's fucked up but I try to push them out of my mind. I know there's no way to convince them that they really did everything they could.

 

[Sanva]

do you have any way of getting out of the house? maybe you could stay with your boyfriend? nobody should live in a violent environment like this, I'm so sorry. I wish you the best.

 

[rotten]

do you have any way of getting out of the house? maybe you could stay with your boyfriend? nobody should live in a violent environment like this, I'm so sorry. I wish you the best.

No I'm stuck here. :(

 

[stupidlife666]

No I'm stuck here. :(

are your parents fighting with a shotgun? they seem kind of nuts to me

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be awful being stuck in an environment like that. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.