i want to CTB, and also dont

[Marguerite492]

A part of me still wants to live, to talk to friends, see movies, enjoy being here. But I also know that Im running out of options. My mom probably hates me, or shes exhausted by my issues. I have nowhere to turn. I dont know what to do. everything costs money and I cant afford it. My teeth hurt, but I cant see a dentist. Cant afford it. I just feel so lost. so hopeless. CTB is my only option, and i feel that im being pushed towards it sometimes, and other times like its all I want in the world but I cant grow a spine and just do it

 

[LastNightOfTheWorld]

Had speaking about your issues here helped you at all? Like, are there people here you feel you can turn to? I'm new here, so I don't know what you shared

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

A part of me still wants to live, to talk to friends, see movies, enjoy being here. But I also know that Im running out of options. My mom probably hates me, or shes exhausted by my issues. I have nowhere to turn. I dont know what to do. everything costs money and I cant afford it. My teeth hurt, but I cant see a dentist. Cant afford it. I just feel so lost. so hopeless. CTB is my only option, and i feel that im being pushed towards it sometimes, and other times like its all I want in the world but I cant grow a spine and just do it

If even a part of you says no, then the answer is no. If you still want to do things in the world, then stick around and do them.

This is a decision you can never take back, so you need to be absolutely sure you're ready to go.

Why are you so sure that CTB your only option?

 

[LookingforAnswers]

Welcome to the limbo lounge

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this difficult situation. I can imagine that it must be so dreadful wanting to live and yet feeling like you are unable to. This life really is so cruel and unfair and I understand that it is hard to carry on when everything feels so hopeless. I wish you relief from suffering in whatever you decide to do.

 

[xonetwothreex]

It's not your only option, although perhaps it seems to be the easiest? As others have said, think about what's most significant to you and assess your options accordingly. Being able to choose is important.

 

[Deformationalplagio]

Me too man its so unfair. Part of me wants to live and expierence but because of my facial disfugerment i just cant. Its fucked up

 

[Ethereal Knight]

If even a part of you says no, then the answer is no.

I personally would never adhere to this mindset, because if you look at suicidal people, they're almost always ambivalent, so if I use that mindset, I'll never achieve success in CTB.

ambivalence can mean:
1) "The simultaneous existence within a person of both positive and negative feelings toward another person or action, or toward an object (as of attraction and revulsion), resulting in internal conflict."
2) "The coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings, such as love and hate, toward a person, object, or idea."
3) "Uncertainty or indecisiveness as to which course to follow."
etc…

self-extermination is one of the most anti-natural things we can do as biological organisms, because we're programmed to survive, reproduce and help the off-spring's chances of survival and reproduction, so having ambivalence in suicidality is naturally the norm.

therefore I think this type of mindset can make me stuck on Earth for decades - even if I'm deeply unhappy.

although obviously, this is just my personal opinion and I know that the same subject can be viewed from multiple points of view, depending on a lot of individual circuntances.

with that said, you're right when you say that CTB is not the only option. it definitely isn't. sometimes we haven't found yet the solutions to our problems, but it doesn't mean they don't exist. a lot of things can be done, always (although I don't really want to do them).

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Nobody wants to end things… We just want better circumstances that are out of reach