Venting i want to be hospitalised just to prove i need help

[tachycardicze]

it sounds selfish. i know it sounds so, so damn selfish but i'm at a point where i see no other option. i don't want to die just yet, i already crossed that one out a while ago because i guess i do have a few things to keep living for, but i get thrown into full distress and bpd episodes every other month because i keep getting triggers thrown my way by whatever cruel higher power is out there. i don't like being alive but i feel like i need to keep going, so i do, but every so often the idea of just trying to non-fatally attempt (like an OD on my antipsychotics or something) so i get hospitalised and can finally prove i need help crosses my mind. it's a tempting thought, to say the least.

i've heard alright things about the hospitals in my area from people who went before, nothing negative besides generic psych ward stuff i guess, so maybe the idea isn't so bad. but i'm consistently stuck between thinking that maybe trying to get admitted is worth it, and thinking no one would care even if i did go to the lengths to get thrown into a ward. i want people to just care again and worry about me because i was hospitalised for an attempt.
i ain't really asking for anything from anyone here. if you wanna share your own two cents you can go ahead, but this is mostly just so i can get my thoughts out. i got no one i'm close with to share them with and this seems like the right place to vent.

 

[otomedissection]

I'm sorry you're going through this, friend. I get what you mean. It really becomes tempting to do something just so people will take you seriously and realize you want help, and it sucks so badly that it has to be that way sometimes. Idk if it's something you'd want to do, but you can always self-admit to inpatient psychiatric clinics if you feel like you need help stabilizing. Experiences there can certainly vary, but it may do you some good while also hinting to the people in your life that you need more support than they think. I'm wishing you the very best!

 

[dragonofenvy]

The biggest problem with non-fatally attempting is that sometimes you have a very unpleasant experience but not quite bad enough to go to the hospital, or you accidentally fatally attempt. You're really gonna want to do your research before trying something like that because, for example, ODing on certain substances can cause a lot more damage than you want. Organ damage is not uncommon. Be careful.

 

[pluvio]

I've been working as a security guard at my local psych ward for a couple of months now. I can promise you what you're feeling is far from selfish, but I also want to advise against a non-fatal OD.

If your psych ward is attached to a hospital like mine is, it's fairly simple to admit yourself as a walk-in through your ER (even if it's not attached, they can help you get admitted). You'd have to wait typical long Emergency wait times and it would probably be pretty embarrassing explaining your situation, but I guarantee they'll take you seriously. Better than gambling on painful/permanent damage if you don't want to die just yet.

Psych wards definitely don't work for everyone, but I have definitely seen them help people. Worth a shot at least imo.

If you have any surface level questions about the psych ward that security would know, feel free to ask.

 

[sumLuv]

Talk about it to your therapist if you have one, they can sometimes get you to psych ward faster, OBVIOUSLY NOT recommending anything but I got sent against my will when I was underage cause of self-harm scars and parents concern. You can also ask anything about psych ward if you want reports about how it really feels/is I'd gladly help!

 

[da5ae5ae]

^^^ Yup what they said. When I went in I self-admitted. It was Australia, and I had a plan. I had to wait a very long time (I think as a test to see how serious I was), more than 8 hours, and had to interview/answer questions with several people. I packed my things and took them with me and a friend took me there are stayed with me for the first few hours which was a comfort. I suppose it depends on your country and healthcare situation though.

 

[tachycardicze]

I've been working as a security guard at my local psych ward for a couple of months now. I can promise you what you're feeling is far from selfish, but I also want to advise against a non-fatal OD.

If your psych ward is attached to a hospital like mine is, it's fairly simple to admit yourself as a walk-in through your ER (even if it's not attached, they can help you get admitted). You'd have to wait typical long Emergency wait times and it would probably be pretty embarrassing explaining your situation, but I guarantee they'll take you seriously. Better than gambling on painful/permanent damage if you don't want to die just yet.

Psych wards definitely don't work for everyone, but I have definitely seen them help people. Worth a shot at least imo.

If you have any surface level questions about the psych ward that security would know, feel free to ask.

i see. my area has a few inpatient psychiatric wards that allow you to just walk in and admit yourself, so i may see about that. i've heard some good things about the big one in my area that is in fact attached to the local hospital from my close friends who have gone before, and how they managed to at least get some level of help that worked for them, even if it wasn't very long term. i can see what you mean about the od thing as well, i've been looking into it for a while and it probably wouldn't be my first option if i really wanted to go through with my idea since i do have some less risky options available that won't cause any bad permanent damage or the slim chance of dying. it's just a weird thought process i have where the option i'm honestly less likely to do is my first idea.

Talk about it to your therapist if you have one, they can sometimes get you to psych ward faster, OBVIOUSLY NOT recommending anything but I got sent against my will when I was underage cause of self-harm scars and parents concern. You can also ask anything about psych ward if you want reports about how it really feels/is I'd gladly help!

unfortunately i don't have a therapist or psychiatrist or any other adjacent thing right now, i've been working on getting one but it hasn't been going as swiftly as i would idealy want it to. i've been looking into reccomended therapists from my friends, and funny side tangent one of the offices i was told about is right across from where i usually smoke lol

 

[iguazo falls]

^^^ Yup what they said. When I went in I self-admitted. It was Australia, and I had a plan. I had to wait a very long time (I think as a test to see how serious I was), more than 8 hours, and had to interview/answer questions with several people. I packed my things and took them with me and a friend took me there are stayed with me for the first few hours which was a comfort. I suppose it depends on your country and healthcare situation though.

ime in aus, when i went i think i denied plans but had sh a lot, they just gave me quetiapine and thats abt it then they kicked me out w/o admitting me. wish i got benzos instead

 

[da5ae5ae]

ime in aus, when i went i think i denied plans but had sh a lot, they just gave me quetiapine and thats abt it then they kicked me out w/o admitting me. wish i got benzos instead

They won't admit unless you have a plan. So if you ever want to go in again (I wanted to go) make sure you tell them you have one :)

 

[Meretlein]

I've been working as a security guard at my local psych ward for a couple of months now. I can promise you what you're feeling is far from selfish, but I also want to advise against a non-fatal OD.

If your psych ward is attached to a hospital like mine is, it's fairly simple to admit yourself as a walk-in through your ER (even if it's not attached, they can help you get admitted). You'd have to wait typical long Emergency wait times and it would probably be pretty embarrassing explaining your situation, but I guarantee they'll take you seriously. Better than gambling on painful/permanent damage if you don't want to die just yet.

Psych wards definitely don't work for everyone, but I have definitely seen them help people. Worth a shot at least imo.

If you have any surface level questions about the psych ward that security would know, feel free to ask.

Has working in such a place affected your view on ctbing at all, or whether intervening is ever justified?

 

[pluvio]

Has working in such a place affected your view on ctbing at all, or whether intervening is ever justified?

A lot of people don't realize you can just leave most psych wards, at least mine and I think most in NA. Just ask to leave "against medical advice" (or raise enough of a stink that staff suggest it), and you'll be out within 1-2 days max. We also can't chase if you bolt during a smoke break, but you would lose everything you brought. So I rationalize it as not being a prison, but obviously most people aren't here by choice.

As far as intervening, I definitely can and do still do it during work. With no belts, no shoelaces, soft corners everywhere, you're more likely to just severely rough yourself up than to actually CTB. That's absolutely justified to me. When people talk to me about their despair/trauma I try to dance around suicide itself, but still offer my actual opinion on the morality of it if they want it.

It's different than if I came across someone outside on the side of a ledge somewhere, where I definitely wouldn't interfere beyond a more open conversation than I could have at the ward. I'm pretty pro-choice as long as you're making a relatively safe decision in sound mind. It's not a perfect world and it's insanely objective as to what safe and sound mind mean person to person, however. So it can be justified to intervene in some cases imo, but there needs to be easier ways to access CTB i.e. assisted suicide or over the counter barbiturates or something.

For CTB myself, the job hasn't had any real impact on that. I know no amount of drugs or talk therapy will be able to stop me feeling the way I do. I've seen people leave new people and I've seen people leave basically thrown to the wolves. Society in general believes too much in the power of Psychiatry. CTB is the best choice for a lot of people sadly, we just haven't really had the ethics discussion catch up yet.

Sorry for long post lol

 

[SASU-KE]

You're looking for help. There's nothing wrong with that. I hope you get it and life improves.