Venting I want friends who understand me

[LLLoser]

hi im basically just looking for friends but not any normal friends like specifically people as mentally unstable and stuck as me. Im really like isolated but im not alone since i have friends it's just so insufferable to be around them. I feel like I can't be my true self. I have dark thoughts all the time about harming myself, and killing myself, and about my trauma, and other dark thoughts. And I just want to be able to share that with anyone. Not to immediately get close to someone but to slowly and patiently get to know someone in depth, flaws and dark thoughts and all. And not because I yearn to connect with just anyone but someone like me. Who understands my black and white thinking. How deeply insecure I am. And to see past that. And what I mean as in like understand me in a way, I self harm a lot. I'm suicidal 100 percent of the time. I like the idea of killing myself with someone, going into the woods and disappearing. Being away from civilization, cannibalism, poetry, cults (I'm religious I just like learning abt them) true crime, specific depressing music. Blood. Just anything dark. And hurting people kinda. Anyone who's looking for something like this please reach out to me.

(I only exist online)

My discord : mytorment_