I use to be so strong at hiding my depression in my teens and my early 20s. Everything came out 4 years ago. I can’t keep up the facade

[Journeytoletgo]

Eventually depression catches up to you and eats you alive and you begin to lose so much motivation. Why does it eat at us like that? If I really known that man I would have did it as a teen

 

[CommitSudoku]

Maybe it eats at us when things don't get better? And then we have the weight of the present in addition to everything that has piled on from the past and never been worked through. I've been going through some of my old things and it makes me so sad how lacking I've become. I hid things so much better in my teenage years as well, and I still had passions somehow back then. Now... I'm mostly just empty, I can't even hide from others how depressed I am since it comes out in how I type and it's the only thing on my mind. I wish I had left as a teen as well, by 19 at the latest. Sometimes I feel like I've been mourning myself lately, but it's not who I am currently, it's who I was in the past and already lost. I'm sorry you also deal with so much, it really hurts.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Maybe it eats at us when things don't get better? And then we have the weight of the present in addition to everything that has piled on from the past and never been worked through. I've been going through some of my old things and it makes me so sad how lacking I've become. I hid things so much better in my teenage years as well, and I still had passions somehow back then. Now... I'm mostly just empty, I can't even hide from others how depressed I am since it comes out in how I type and it's the only thing on my mind. I wish I had left as a teen as well, by 19 at the latest. Sometimes I feel like I've been mourning myself lately, but it's not who I am currently, it's who I was in the past and already lost. I'm sorry you also deal with so much, it really hurts.

I'm sorry you're dealing with so much as well. Yeah I have no desires or interest left. All I have left is the will you feed myself. I mourned a lot in my teens I knew it was over when puberty hit but I had no idea how to execute death. This is 15 years struggle and I made it worse being naive, poorly influenced, I should have done it years ago. I have no self esteem or self respect left the pain of depression is horrible.

No friends either because of my skin condition I was abandoned

 

[Quiet Desperation]

So sorry to read about your suffering, both of you. As a sufferer myself I know there are no words that will make it better.

Based on my reading on the subject and my personal experience over the last 30 years, and despite what you may have been told about popping some pills to balance out some neurotransmitters being the golden ticket, it's because depression is a progressive disease that gets worse over time. It has systemic impacts in the body and the brain, including chromosomal DNA damage to telomeres which over time is linked to heart disease, cancer, and diabetes among other lovely things.

The messaging that you just need to take some drugs to rebalance your neurotransmitters and Bob's your uncle misses the entire problem, which is that there is a REASON you're depressed. If you struggle to or can't do anything about the problem that got you there, like many of us, and just treat the symptoms, the damage just keeps mounting and eventually it swallows you whole. Not to say that drugs don't help, sometimes significantly.

I thought I knew what depression was because I lived with it and mostly managed it for 20+ years. Then a few years ago I lost everything I cared about in a day after I had an episode and the bottom just fell out and nothing mattered anymore. I pretended as long as I could and the moment I slipped they were just waiting to fire me, I lost a very important relationship, my best friend turned on me and accused me of faking my depression, etc. For those of us who suffer one email sent while you're in the abyss can alter the course of your life.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Not being true to yourself and hating yourself can tear your insides apart. It does it on a daily basis, a little at a time. Being angry with yourself for not having the sufficient courage, any courage, when change might have been beneficial and meaningful. Looking back every day and wondering what went wrong and what life would have been had a different road been taken. This shit eats you alive. You're so right. That's what it does. And you wake up one day and realize that you waited too long. That it is too late and just not worth it anymore. That's a hard realization to process. That any chance at happiness has just slipped by and, just like that, it was too late.

 

[_Minsk]

I deal with the same thing, it just gets worse, life sucks

 

[rationaltake]

I know. I'm finished.