Venting I tried to kill myself twice this week.

[BitterlyAlive_]

Holy fuck, I didn't think I was so...out of control. The first time, I managed to stop myself. Last night, I began another attempt. The only reason I didn't complete it is because I couldn't get out of bed to finish the job. I was so, so ready.

I've been incredibly intoxicated all week long. Just so tired of life, tired of my thoughts and pain. This helps a lot, being so dissociated and hazy. But if I'm going to have literal suicide attempts then I gotta stop. I wanted to die so bad and was fully intent on killing myself last night. I was reminded to try and wait until I'm sober and in my right mind.

I don't know why I'm saying this. I don't want attention, nor do I want to worry anyone. I guess I just gotta tell someone. Every day I get closer and closer....

 

[iwanttodie000]

Holy fuck, I didn't think I was so...out of control. The first time, I managed to stop myself. Last night, I began another attempt. The only reason I didn't complete it is because I couldn't get out of bed to finish the job. I was so, so ready.

I've been incredibly intoxicated all week long. Just so tired of life, tired of my thoughts and pain. This helps a lot, being so dissociated and hazy. But if I'm going to have literal suicide attempts then I gotta stop. I wanted to die so bad and was fully intent on killing myself last night. I was reminded to try and wait until I'm sober and in my right mind.

I don't know why I'm saying this. I don't want attention, nor do I want to worry anyone. I guess I just gotta tell someone. Every day I get closer and closer....

I understand. Sometimes it just feels better to just vent. I can relate to the everyday I get closer and closer and I want too so bad as well - I want to so bad it's just all I think about now. It's the only light at the end of my tunnel. It was smart to stop though, especially if you were intoxicated, because there's a much higher chance of not getting something right if you are. Wish you peace my friend, I feel you.

 

[oneanonymous]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I honestly don't even know what to say, just wanted you to know I hear you.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I understand. Sometimes it just feels better to just vent. I can relate to the everyday I get closer and closer and I want too so bad as well - I want to so bad it's just all I think about now. It's the only light at the end of my tunnel. It was smart to stop though, especially if you were intoxicated, because there's a much higher chance of not getting something right if you are. Wish you peace my friend, I feel you.

Yes, the urges are...very intense. But as you said, it's best to wait to do anything until one is thinking as clearly as possible. Suicide is not a decision to be made lightly. Stay safe, my friend. If you need ti talk, my inbox is open.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I honestly don't even know what to say, just wanted you to know I hear you.

Thank you, mate. This means a lot.

 

[WornOutLife]

I know what that feels like. I tried to ctb twice a week last year too.

I guess it all depends on how suicidal and depressed we're feeling but the key is to calm down and always have a good plan. (Easier said than done. I failed four times and the last one was chaotic because I had no freedom for 6 months)

 

[Meditation guide]

Holy fuck, I didn't think I was so...out of control. The first time, I managed to stop myself. Last night, I began another attempt. The only reason I didn't complete it is because I couldn't get out of bed to finish the job. I was so, so ready.

I've been incredibly intoxicated all week long. Just so tired of life, tired of my thoughts and pain. This helps a lot, being so dissociated and hazy. But if I'm going to have literal suicide attempts then I gotta stop. I wanted to die so bad and was fully intent on killing myself last night. I was reminded to try and wait until I'm sober and in my right mind.

I don't know why I'm saying this. I don't want attention, nor do I want to worry anyone. I guess I just gotta tell someone. Every day I get closer and closer....

I don't know how much of what you are saying is from the depressing effects of alcohol, I'm sure at least a small part of it is. Be sober. You were always one of my favorites. At least know I care about you, as little as that matters. If you want to talk to me I'm always available to you. I don't know what else to say.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I know what that feels like. I tried to ctb twice a week last year too.

I guess it all depends on how suicidal and depressed we're feeling but the key is to calm down and always have a good plan. (Easier said than done. I failed four times and the last one was chaotic because I had no freedom for 6 months)

Yeah. I'm still really fucked up, man. Damn. I'm glad you're okay, though...

I don't know how much of what you are saying is from the depressing effects of alcohol, I'm sure at least a small part of it is. Be sober. You were always one of my favorites. At least know I care about you, as little as that matters. If you want to talk to me I'm always available to you. I don't know what else to say.

Thank you. I guess I've been pretty impulsive.

 

[Symbiote]

I feel out of control this week too. Like everything that I had to stay afloat came crashing down on me when I received bad news about my interviews and then the pressure of life getting to me. I feel like I would impulsively harm myself and not giving a damn who is involved or who I traumatized.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I feel out of control this week too. Like everything that I had to stay afloat came crashing down on me when I received bad news about my interviews and then the pressure of life getting to me. I feel like I would impulsively harm myself and not giving a damn who is involved or who I traumatized.

Fuck, I'm honestly just feeling so self-destructive. I'm sorry you're feeling out of control, too. Please try to be careful.

 

[muffin222]

Fuck, I'm honestly just feeling so self-destructive. I'm sorry you're feeling out of control, too. Please try to be careful.

I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I completely relate to what you're saying- I feel out of control and desperate to just end it at times as well. Like you said, it's definitely best to wait until you're in a calm state of mind before taking that final step

This may be an odd suggestion, but can you scream or beat on your pillows when this overwhelming, out of control feeling emerges? I know you're just venting and not necessarily seeking advice. Screaming and hitting pillows just helped me to release some of that destructive energy in the past. Sometimes I just cry and wail hysterically like a banshee for 20 minutes, just let it all out, and that also helps quite a bit.

Either way, please know that you're not alone in your pain, and we hear you

 

[Callie Arcale]

Dear @BitterlyAlive_ you have my attention and my compassion I am so sorry you are hurting! You are a wonderful member of SS and you have given me so much support and kindness, I want to do the same for you. I understand the urge to self-destruct and that feeling that you just can't go on. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing, I hope you feel a little better soon

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I completely relate to what you're saying- I feel out of control and desperate to just end it at times as well. Like you said, it's definitely best to wait until you're in a calm state of mind before taking that final step

This may be an odd suggestion, but can you scream or beat on your pillows when this overwhelming, out of control feeling emerges? I know you're just venting and not necessarily seeking advice. Screaming and hitting pillows just helped me to release some of that destructive energy in the past. Sometimes I just cry and wail hysterically like a banshee for 20 minutes, just let it all out, and that also helps quite a bit.

Either way, please know that you're not alone in your pain, and we hear you

I feel calmer. Still just...really fucking wanna do it. When I feel so overwhelmed I usually cut or find another way to hurt myself.

Sigh......

Dear @BitterlyAlive_ you have my attention and my compassion I am so sorry you are hurting! You are a wonderful member of SS and you have given me so much support and kindness, I want to do the same for you. I understand the urge to self-destruct and that feeling that you just can't go on. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing, I hope you feel a little better soon

Thank you, mate. I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time lately.

 

[muffin222]

I feel calmer. Still just...really fucking wanna do it. When I feel so overwhelmed I usually cut or find another way to hurt myself.

Sigh......

Thank you, mate. I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time lately.

I can relate. It's easy to become addicted in a way to the release we get from self-harm. It's so hard to break the habit once you've started, too.

CPTSD is a nightmare, honestly