BlueButterfly111
Autistic and Heartbroken
- Dec 26, 2024
- 311
I know it's not that deep, and it's really not, but it just made me feel really sad idky.
I have like a blank instagram account, meaning I have nothing really on my account and mainly just use it to look at instagram reels and stuff.
Anyways, I randomly came across this account of a girl and when I looked at the account I found out that her boyfriend had recently passed away. (My boyfriend passed away a year and a half ago, and his passing is basically the reason I became suicidal again, and created this account a few months after he passed away, long story.)
Anyways, when I scrolled through her account I was shocked, because her and her boyfriends story seemed so similar to mine. She even mentioned how her boyfriend used to say he knew he was gonna die and being depressed and all the same things that my boyfriend did. And she was talking about how her and her boyfriend being together felt like fate, and that's the same way I felt.
Anyways, so I wrote out a long typed out comment on one of her posts, telling her about my similar experience and telling her that she doesn't have to respond and that she wasn't alone in her feelings.
She didn't respond or like my comment, which I understand but I know she saw it because she took a screenshot of another comment on the same post that only had 3 comments on it. I didn't take it personally, I know she is grieving and it's still new to her.
But then she proceeded to make a video where she basically was saying, "I know I'm not the only one who's boyfriend passed away, but my boyfriend was special and unlike most people's boyfriends." I know she was most likely talking about me because I was the only one that commented about how my boyfriend also had passed away.
Idk it just made me feel weird, I hardly reach out to people like that or feel touched by anything, but to reach out like that and have that response, it just kinda hurts. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and akward after that, I considered just deleting the comment, because I put a lot of consideration into the comment and I will definitely just leave her be.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that she did anything wrong I'm just venting about how I feel. People always do this to me, so I think it just hurt when she reacted like that. I understand that she's grieving, but even when I'm at my worst I always try to be nice to people, but people never do the same to me.
First of all my boyfriend was special to me and he was a unique person to me. But yeah, I just left it alone, I know she's grieving, and I know everyone grieves differently. It just hurts and I just always feel so alone, I always regret it every time I open up or feel vulnerable with people.
And don't get me wrong, I know that there are spaces for widows, but it's rare to me to see another young widow. And she had such a similar experience to mine, it just hurts, I feel so alone in life. Again, not blaming her or anything, just venting. :( Think I've been feeling extra sad lately because his Birthday and the year and a half anniversary of his death just passed recently. I know I need to go to therapy, but I'm waiting for insurance to kick in this month, I'm just so sad!
Forgive my horrible typing and grammar mistakes, but it just is what it is at this point my brain is fried.
I have like a blank instagram account, meaning I have nothing really on my account and mainly just use it to look at instagram reels and stuff.
Anyways, I randomly came across this account of a girl and when I looked at the account I found out that her boyfriend had recently passed away. (My boyfriend passed away a year and a half ago, and his passing is basically the reason I became suicidal again, and created this account a few months after he passed away, long story.)
Anyways, when I scrolled through her account I was shocked, because her and her boyfriends story seemed so similar to mine. She even mentioned how her boyfriend used to say he knew he was gonna die and being depressed and all the same things that my boyfriend did. And she was talking about how her and her boyfriend being together felt like fate, and that's the same way I felt.
Anyways, so I wrote out a long typed out comment on one of her posts, telling her about my similar experience and telling her that she doesn't have to respond and that she wasn't alone in her feelings.
She didn't respond or like my comment, which I understand but I know she saw it because she took a screenshot of another comment on the same post that only had 3 comments on it. I didn't take it personally, I know she is grieving and it's still new to her.
But then she proceeded to make a video where she basically was saying, "I know I'm not the only one who's boyfriend passed away, but my boyfriend was special and unlike most people's boyfriends." I know she was most likely talking about me because I was the only one that commented about how my boyfriend also had passed away.
Idk it just made me feel weird, I hardly reach out to people like that or feel touched by anything, but to reach out like that and have that response, it just kinda hurts. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and akward after that, I considered just deleting the comment, because I put a lot of consideration into the comment and I will definitely just leave her be.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that she did anything wrong I'm just venting about how I feel. People always do this to me, so I think it just hurt when she reacted like that. I understand that she's grieving, but even when I'm at my worst I always try to be nice to people, but people never do the same to me.
First of all my boyfriend was special to me and he was a unique person to me. But yeah, I just left it alone, I know she's grieving, and I know everyone grieves differently. It just hurts and I just always feel so alone, I always regret it every time I open up or feel vulnerable with people.
And don't get me wrong, I know that there are spaces for widows, but it's rare to me to see another young widow. And she had such a similar experience to mine, it just hurts, I feel so alone in life. Again, not blaming her or anything, just venting. :( Think I've been feeling extra sad lately because his Birthday and the year and a half anniversary of his death just passed recently. I know I need to go to therapy, but I'm waiting for insurance to kick in this month, I'm just so sad!
Forgive my horrible typing and grammar mistakes, but it just is what it is at this point my brain is fried.
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That would make me feel weird too.
