i told someone about my suicidal thoughts for the first time

[schatzbunny]

it was to my ex in the middle of him lashing out and telling me how much i have ruined him. i said lets just hope i die so we both finally feel better. to which he replied that he wants me to be alive and suffer in guilt. then when he kept telling me how horrible i am i asked "im asking what do you want now? for me to kill myself or what?". this was the first time i expressed my suicidal thoughts out loud and some part of me was hoping he would pick up on that and not think i was just being dramatic. the reason why he is so angry at me is because i am not willing to forgive him for breaking my heart and abandoning me and now coming back when its convenient for him. i was willing to entertain the idea of being with him again only if he acknowledged what he did wrong and showed that he wont do it again. but he just turned it into im a horrible and mean person for asking that. he gave me an ultimatum of either "shut up and be with me as a loving girlfriend" or to block him. i blocked him but i just feel awful. i hoped he took me talking about killing myself seriously. oh well whenever i finally do i hope he remembers this moment.

 

[themindian]

I've never been in a relationship but it doesn't really seem like you made it clear that you actually want to physically kill yourself, like you might've come off as like "oh my life sucks so bad that i could just die right now" not like "you're hurting me so badly that I would rather be dead than be your partner" which if you really love him then I would try to honestly tell him how you're feeling cuz knowing how each person is genuinely feeling in a relationship is like paramount to making things work/understanding each other for who you are, and I'm not saying you did/said anything wrong I'm just saying that you should probably somehow tell him that youre serious about killing yourself cuz of how hurt you are. Just pls make that known to him in your own way and maybe ask him for more help/love/attention and if he just wants you around as a barbie doll to look at and to not give you love or anything then throw him in the garbage. Take it from me, I've spent most my life with fake friends and they're not worth it.

YOU DESERVE REAL LOVE AND ATTENTION/TO FEEL BETTER AND DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

 

[schatzbunny]

I've never been in a relationship but it doesn't really seem like you made it clear that you actually want to physically kill yourself, like you might've come off as like "oh my life sucks so bad that i could just die right now" not like "you're hurting me so badly that I would rather be dead than be your partner" which if you really love him then I would try to honestly tell him how you're feeling cuz knowing how each person is genuinely feeling in a relationship is like paramount to making things work/understanding each other for who you are, and I'm not saying you did/said anything wrong I'm just saying that you should probably somehow tell him that youre serious about killing yourself cuz of how hurt you are. Just pls make that known to him in your own way and maybe ask him for more help/love/attention and if he just wants you around as a barbie doll to look at and to not give you love or anything then throw him in the garbage. Take it from me, I've spent most my life with fake friends and they're not worth it.

YOU DESERVE REAL LOVE AND ATTENTION/TO FEEL BETTER AND DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

thank you for this :( its new year's eve today so there is a chance that i might talk to him again, i feel like my feelings don't really matter to him because he just told me (in his exact words) "give yourself to me, you should shut up, learn to deal with your emotions, and set aside the last 6 months". last 6 months where he treated me horribly lowkey traumatised me and im honestly actively suicidal now because of everything that happened then. for him to not even want accountability is really hurtful and i feel like if i genuinely tell him im suicidal he will just say im manipulating him and somehow make it about him

 

[girafeli]

we're in the same situation. i just told him i want to die. he knows i mean it physically, but he accused me of trying to manipulate him into giving me empathy

 

[maylurker]

thank you for this :( its new year's eve today so there is a chance that i might talk to him again, i feel like my feelings don't really matter to him because he just told me (in his exact words) "give yourself to me, you should shut up, learn to deal with your emotions, and set aside the last 6 months". last 6 months where he treated me horribly lowkey traumatised me and im honestly actively suicidal now because of everything that happened then. for him to not even want accountability is really hurtful and i feel like if i genuinely tell him im suicidal he will just say im manipulating him and somehow make it about him

well from what it seems they arent aware enough person

 

[ipmanwc0]

y'all are in really toxic relationships please stop talking to them

 

[maylurker]

y'all are in really toxic relationships please stop talking to them

i keep seeing this stuff it makes me understand why misandry exists

 

[No_Body]

it was to my ex in the middle of him lashing out and telling me how much i have ruined him. i said lets just hope i die so we both finally feel better. to which he replied that he wants me to be alive and suffer in guilt. then when he kept telling me how horrible i am i asked "im asking what do you want now? for me to kill myself or what?". this was the first time i expressed my suicidal thoughts out loud and some part of me was hoping he would pick up on that and not think i was just being dramatic. the reason why he is so angry at me is because i am not willing to forgive him for breaking my heart and abandoning me and now coming back when its convenient for him. i was willing to entertain the idea of being with him again only if he acknowledged what he did wrong and showed that he wont do it again. but he just turned it into im a horrible and mean person for asking that. he gave me an ultimatum of either "shut up and be with me as a loving girlfriend" or to block him. i blocked him but i just feel awful. i hoped he took me talking about killing myself seriously. oh well whenever i finally do i hope he remembers this moment.

i tried this once with old friends, express how i truly feel… what a mistake that was…

most people, especially those who haven't experienced depression, suicidal thoughts, mental health, etc. they will never understand or try understand what you are going through.

worst case they will give you the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps", or some other generic bullshit like that.

if you're lucky the best they can do is show sympathy for your situation. kind of like how people say "awww" to a puppy with a broken paw

 

[maylurker]

worst case they will give you the pull yourself up by your bootstraps, or some other generic bullshit like that.

they might genuinely call you selfish for having suicidal thoughts

 

[schatzbunny]

i keep seeing this stuff it makes me understand why misandry exists

this made me laugh xd

 

[Redacted24]

I totally agree. The signals are all there for your ex being an abuser and good on you for standing tall and ushering them out of your life.

Stay strong and believe yourself, you know what's real and what's being manipulated into you.

I wish I learned this before 20+ years with an abuser...

 

[zixd]

I told my uncle and guess what .. hé went throught this too..

 

[girafeli]

I told my uncle and guess what .. hé went throught this too..

What does that feel like? To have someone IRL that also understands?

 

[themindian]

thank you for this :( its new year's eve today so there is a chance that i might talk to him again, i feel like my feelings don't really matter to him because he just told me (in his exact words) "give yourself to me, you should shut up, learn to deal with your emotions, and set aside the last 6 months". last 6 months where he treated me horribly lowkey traumatised me and im honestly actively suicidal now because of everything that happened then. for him to not even want accountability is really hurtful and i feel like if i genuinely tell him im suicidal he will just say im manipulating him and somehow make it about him

Take it from me, tell them that you've read about people online that literally have it all, that is exactly the person I am in that I'm retired at 29 years old, I have everything a man could want. EVERYTHING, and my flare gun rounds are going to come in the mail soon cuz everything I have is NOT making me happy whereas the tiny GLIMPSES I get into feelings of a happy relationship/love, those are pretty much the only things that have been saving me and I'm suicidal because I can't attain a similar loving relationship that you have. (I do have my mom and I love er for trying, but she's really not enough.)

Tell him that as you know that people like me exist, tell him in your own words that, yes you are indeed suicidal, but that you DO have an upstanding relationship that you want to invest in and make better so that you can heal yourself/not be suicidal...

...because take it from me that there is literally nothing that *I* could do to personally save myself for all the wealth, vast amount of resources, time to myself, and the one thing that would save me that I don't have? Love? Is the one thing that you DO have and you want to make the best of it cuz I HAVE WENT THROUGH THE GAUNTLET TO IMPROVE MY EMOTIONS AND I AM TELLING YOU THAT THE ONLY THING TO MY KNOWLEDGE THAT CAN SAVE PEOPLE LIKE US IS LOVE-

-So I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart, to let him know that you want to feel loved to save yourself cuz there are people like me that TRULY DID EVERYTHING ELSE to improve their emotions and the only thing that might possibly work for you is your love for each other. I don't have that but you do. LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU DONT WANT TO LET YOUR LOVE GO TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.

and then see if he just wants you to sit down and shut up and be your barbie cuz if he does that then he essentially wants you to die in which you might want to find love elsewhere cuz like I said:

YOU DESERVE REAL LOVE AND ATTENTION/TO FEEL BETTER AND DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

 

[moonlightbeach]

What does that feel like? To have someone IRL that also understands?

Told partner, he made me feel safe, no need to overexplain the why and how because they already knew everything. Feels peaceful and less heavy on yourself when you keep it in for so long. I was sad because lying to them before disclosing my continuous suicidality didn't feel right but they understood and it made the relationship much better because of trust.