I think tonight’s the night for me

[mr nobody]

I had a failed CO attempt back in April because I texted my girl and she was able to get to me in time. I had a half failed attempt a few weeks ago because the person I was texting called the cops and they found the grill and a similar setup to April so they took me away. My plan is to go through with it
Tonight. I've been drinking alcohol to reduce the anxiety and I'm going to start the grill soon. I just need a little bit more courage to actually start the grill. I do not want to fail again and end up in a mental facility for a third time. This has to be perfect!!!

 

[Living sucks]

Sounds like you need to abandon your phone or maybe you should call a friend to talk and not do anything impulsively.

 

[mr nobody]

Sounds like you need to abandon your phone or maybe you should call a friend to talk and not do anything impulsively.

It's not impulsive. I have been planing this for a while. I consciously want to do it, even on antidepressants. But yes, you are right, I need to scrap my phone.

 

[Living sucks]

When you are telling people .. it's a sign you want to be rescued. It's normal to feel this way but for me it means you really don't want to die but want life to change.
i don't want to die and I'm telling people constantly i have to ctb bcuz of my physical health.. it's me screaming for someone to save me when they can't . I want to be rescued but it's impossible..