I think it's coming

[MeOP]

I've been saying for a long time that there's certain freedom in not having hope.

Evolution however does not exactly support this notion. Survive at any cost...

Whenever I thought I have no hope left, unfortunately there has always been the last little bit in the back of my head, somewhere. Just annoying me and waiting to strike and turn into more pain.

Again and again.

Finally. I'm free.

For a while I've only been living for one thing. Only today I learned how close I was to achieving my goal. A finger's reach. Just close my eyes and push a tiniest bit further.

But no, of course that can't be. I had to fuck it up. Again.

I still care. But now I'm also free. Living is way too hard. Unbelievably hard. Especially with a life like mine.

I don't know if suicide is easy. But I know death can't be worse.

Technically speaking I still have a tiniest sliver of chance. But I'm not holding my breath anymore. I'm free.

Wish me strength guys. No date set but I hope I'll get to it soon. Let's see if there's something I manage not to fuck up.

 

[Ghost2211]

Sending you hugs and best wishes.

 

[darksideofthebright]

Wishing you strength and nothing but the best for yourself. You deserve peace and whatever is of your best interest.

 

[SmellyRat]

Don't feel bad.
Survival instinct is so tough to beat.

 

[StuFin]

That's what she said!

 

[MeOP]

Thanks guys.

Shit I wish I could go right now. I have to wait a day or so for that "hope" to clear tho... God I hate it.

 

[woxihuanni]

Hope waiting to strike and turn into more pain.

I wish you the best outcome, whatever you choose.

 

[Deleted member 23586]

I wish you strength and peace whatever that means for you. I'm so proud of you for making it this far love.

 

[MeOP]

Thank you guys. You really are the best. The... Good, maybe? News is that I've just spent a few days in hospital where I at least had some good rest and am not feeling THAT strong of an urge right now. That said I'll rather not think of having to live the entire "normal" rest of my lifetime, or I'll certainly get it again. Ugh.

You people

 

[sadworld]

I wish you all the best! Good luck! Hugs